Waihī psychologist and Herald columnist’s practical new relationship book

Psychologists Nic Beets and his wife Verity Thom are specialist relationship and sex therapists. Beets has authored a new book - Make Love Work: A practical guide to relationship success. Photo / Dean Purcell

Clinical psychologist, Waihī local and Herald on Sunday columnist Nic Beets has put out a new book on relationships entitled Make Love Work - A practical guide to relationship success.

A couple of years ago Nic, along with his wife, fellow psychologist, and partner of nearly 44 years, Verity Thom, moved their long-established relationship and sex therapy counselling practice online (https://www.relationshipwork.nz/), and their lives to Waihī Beach from Auckland.

The HC Post caught up with Nic to discuss Make Love Work - his first book.

When asked about his motivations for putting his years of experience into print, Nic pointed towards there being a “crying need for good, practical help with relationships”. He said his book allows people not usually inclined to seek relationship help access to practical information ”about how badly we get miseducated about relationships” and “debunking myths”.

“Humans are not good with uncertainty,” said Beets when referencing the increase in long-term partnerships breaking down during the Covid era, but added he had seen some people buck the trend and “pull together during a pretty stressful time”.

Nic Beets at the launch of the book in Ponsonby, Auckland last Friday.

In a 2021 NZ Herald story, Beets said: “We want people to be better educated about the realities, regardless of gender, orientation or relationship structure.”

Creating a comprehensive guide to help those stuck in a relationship quagmire is an approach Beets said was done to offset the stream of “superficial advice in the media”. The guide covers relationship topics like repetitive negative behaviour, partner blaming, and constant criticism.

Beets said that some people are simply afraid “they are not good enough. It’s something that develops from childhood”.

The book gives readers the tools to be successful in love - from preventing your insecurities and neurobiology from wrecking your relationship to being a team player and handling conflict well.

Beets said “most” couples usually commit to 10-20 sessions, usually of around 90 minutes in length. His therapy style includes asking pointed questions like, “can you go on living like this?” - which can offer a fresh outside perspective to someone who has exhausted all other attempts at change resolution.

Last Friday, Nick Beets and Verity Thom were in Auckland for the launch of the book, hosted by Ponsonby Road’s Women’s Bookshop. Books can be ordered through https://www.womensbookshop.co.nz/p/make-love-work-a-practical-guide-to-relationship-success or via the publisher Allen & Unwin https://www.allenandunwin.co.nz/browse/book/Nic-Beets-Make-Love-Work-9781988547923/ or at your local bookseller.

Review ‘Insightful, practical and inspiring . . . required reading for anyone in or venturing into a relationship.’ - Jennifer Ward-Lealand, actor and intimacy co-ordinator.

Psychologists Verity Thom and Nic Beets have a regular sex and relationship advice column with the New Zealand Herald, answering reader questions in print and online with Herald Premium. Write to: questions@nzherald.co.nz.