Toupee or not toupee - that is the question many Americans are asking of their president on the back of the spine cracking new book released over the weekend by Michael Wolff – that's Wolff with two Fs - and I am sure the recipient of Fire and Fury Inside The Trump White House has a couple of F-words ready to fire back at former senior White House adviser Steve Bannon and other senior officials who gave Wolff the dirt on The Don.
One thing is for sure the other kid with the bad haircut and finger on the button will be laughing all the way to the southern border once he gets his fat fingers on what could be the biggest bestseller since Nixon got thrown out of the White House.
Here in the land of the long raining cloud snuggling up in the moenga (bed) with a good book courtesy of Hanakoko (Santa) has given many of us countless hours of escapism from the madness of too much of everything, especially spoilt brats with bad haircuts.
Squeezed in between the books in bed has been the weekly pilgrimage to Rialto and, if you haven't seen it yet, Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri has Oscars written across each of them.
Some of the more obscure titles to slip out of the stocking for kickback holiday reading are a couple of winners for would be cooks and couch referees:
Boil Ups, three days in the making, one hour in the eating by Kai Time on the Road makes for tasty reading. Apparently its all about the bones - be it bacon, brisket or pork - and the kicker is a generous scoop of manuka honey.
A Hundy a Day Keeps the Pakistanis at Bay by a local test captain will be hot off the press before the covers are lifted here at the Bay Oval on January 28, so watch out for that Captain Sarfaz and all of you flying fielders in the crowd trying to catch a $50k falling star and put it in your pocket.
For footy fans, the hard case hardcover book Bring Back the Ruck is a rucking good read. Inked by a couple of provincial props – No Neck Numb Nuts and Colin Flower Ears - this easy to read, lots of pictures and few flash words book is a winner, especially for those who feel the game has gone a little too soft and too many times "upstairs".
The three bros who wowed the crowd up at Wharepai Domain on Saturday night are also considering titles for their under wraps coffee table publication. Three Flat Whites didn't make the final cut but the korero on the kumara vine is, after the standing ovation they received, Tino Pai @ Wharepai could be the show stealer.
Local lovers of clean and green will identify with Spray of Plenty, a soon to be published tell-all on the inconvenient truth about agrichemicals and their effect on the whenua and the moana. Published by Hi Cane Press, this book is to be dedicated to the late Bryan Erp, the pioneer of organic kiwifruit farming. For those who believe in being kaitiaki (caretakers) of our whenua, this is a must read as will be its follow up for future generations, Don't Panic Grow Organic.
And for those who have never been treated to the wonderful writings of local wordsmith Graham Cameron, do your mind a flavour and tune into his blog First We Take Manhattan.
In his latest post, there is a lesson we can all learn from Graham as he bravely uncovers the naked truth about groping and tackles it head-on with honesty.
The last word belongs to the last living member of the Bee Gees and, for those who watched their New Year's tribute, you will have been treated to a television masterpiece of lyrical splendour.
"It's only words and words are all I have to take your heart away."
