Not even the two boys with the bad haircuts playing war games have been able to bump the Bill of Rights and Jacinderella off the front page, and nor has tornadoes in Texas or flooding in Florida.
It just goes on and on with more twists than a Chubby Checker record.
While the poles have been going up and down like a Gold Coast roller coaster, the country has been swinging from red to blue and back again and somewhere in the middle have been the minor parties, looking for life rafts to get them back on board the mothership.
Will he go? Will she stay, and whom will Winston end up in bed with?
Then there is the real possibility of the final curtain coming down on the comeback king, leaving him standing outside the coalition honeymoon bedroom altogether.
For my two bobs' worth of political bed partners, my money is on the moenga (bed) being shared as it has been for the last three elections - with the Maori Party.
The reality is all the possible coalition parties are dancing around Winston like an excuse me waltz, hoping they will not have to pick him as a partner. It could be a last supper waltz on Saturday night or a dance of the desperate come Sunday morning.
So, hold on to your political potae (hat) because the last episode of Survivor is going to be a doozy.
Then, when it is all over, bar the post-match boohoo and blame game, we can all get back to the other life we had before Labour found the missing glass slipper belonging to their golden girl Jacinderella.
What then? What will life after the elections look like?
Spring-cleaning, school holidays, a book launch and breaking out the boogie boards ready for summer are all on my hit list.
Successful politicians can crouch and hold back home with their families, who have become foreign to them over the last few weeks, and the new kids on the backbench block can book a ticket to three years of bumpy plane rides to Wellington.
There is a change coming. and if that change brings more wahine and more Maori in Parliament, then bring it on.
How lucky we are to be born in a country where the freedom to voice our political opinions and vote for someone to represent these opinions is a cornerstone of democracy - and we should never take this for granted.
In my experience of living in most corners of the world, we have a country to call home like no other.
We get to wake up in a world where half of the people living in it go to bed hungry, and about a quarter of the world is at war.
The common cause for all of the above is greed and, if there is one thing we can all agree on, we have enough for everyone here in Aotearoa New Zealand, if we share it more evenly.
Wherever this election takes us, I hope it takes the homeless to a place they can call home and the environment to where our country truly is clean and green.
All of us get two opportunities to do this when we vote for a party and a person. Each of these opportunities can add a feather to the korowai (cloak) of comfort for those who do not have what most of us wake up to each day. Kai, a whare and most importantly, hope.
All of us should ask ourselves what we want from the vote we cast. Is it something for ourselves or for those who do not have what we have?
This is what our kids are starting to understand about politics and, for me, the biggest positive from this boxed set of Survivor elections is politics has been normalised on the front page, and our kids are engaging.
For those of you who stood up and had a go - bravo to you all. Enjoy having your whanau and family back next Monday. To my own family standing in Whakatane and here in Tauranga Moana, Go hard Kiritapu and Billy Boy.
Kia aroha ki te tangata. Respect for all.
Tommy Kapai is a best-selling author and local writer.
■ tommykapai@gmail.com
