All of us have a step mother or whangai (adopted) mum in our lives, somewhere in the family whakapapa chain. And I am sure all of us have our own in-house perception of what a stepmother is perceived to be.
For a starter, the term stepmother is about as endearing as stepladder or side step, especially if you're in front of one and need to get out of their way - as was the whole team of tacklers who couldn't take down Sam and Shaun over the weekend.
Surely we can come up with something way warmer than stepmum? I like awhi mum, given awhi (pronounced arfee) means to embrace and nurture or cuddle in the language of our tamariki. I agree for the most part that the title of stepmother or stepfather can be seen as a term for a parent who steps up when no-one else will. But mostly stepmothers inherit a whole new whanau when they take on their dad as their dearest - for better or for worse, but most times a whole lot better than the first go they had at getting marriage right.
The term stepmother is just so old school and uncool and should be dropped from our daily dictionary.
Maybe it brings back bad memories from the Cinderella days and her evil stepmother, while further down the track as we gain our grown-up stripes, stepmothers were painted as "evil" for no other reason than they couldn't claim birth mother status.
Most times, step parents - and I am one of them - are on a hiding to nothing when it comes to currying any kind of coolness from our partner's kids.
Perhaps it is the perception that affection has to be competed for and an element of kiriweti and harawene (envy and jealousy) kicks in?
Hopefully, when our awhi kids work out that we are welded to each other and are joined at the hip until death or dementia does us part, they grow to accept us as their mum's soul mate.
But over and above all of the "you're not my bones or blood" BS, how cool would it be to be introduced as "my Awhi Muma" or "Awhi Papa?"
Perhaps it's time to take the sting out of "step" and warm it up with something cooler and far more meaningful than their founding fathers came up with.
Etymologically, a stepfather or stepmother is one who becomes father or mother to an orphan or (step-muhth-er) and, as a noun, the wife of one's father by a later marriage.
Mother's Days can be bitter sweet for stepmums and I feel for them as I do for those who have miscarried or lost their mum or loved one early in life.
This is my first Mother's Day without my mum and on a beautiful sunny Sunday I sat in silence on the banks of the Wairoa River, across the road from the Awhi Angels of the Waipuna Hospice, where Mum left life as we know it on this particular planet.
I thanked the universe for giving me a Mum for most of my life and I shed a tear in her honour.
The tears fell like the last leaves of autumn and the beauty of both will never be lost or forgotten - nor fully understood.
To all the awhi mums out there, may your Monday be a step closer to you being the best thing to ever happen to your partner/husband and all of his children.
broblack@xtra.co.nz
-Tommy Wilson is a best-selling author and local writer.
