Shame on you all hoping for a saucy story!
What a waste - not the chooks, they are roaming free on the range on the banks of the Wairoa River with not a care in the world, but not so those who are about to be outed by Trashley.
On the subject of infidelity, it seems Tiger has turned a corner and his golf is better for it with a series of record-breaking rounds over the weekend.
What won't be a waste of time and has nothing to do with finding a like-minded unfaithful partner will be the epic game of rugby down on the Domain this Sunday, when the clash of the Kaimais will take place.
For many of us rugby fanatics the Domain is the home of Tauranga and Bay rugby. Always has been and always will be, no matter hard they try and dress up stockcar track mutton to make it look like Eden Park lamb.
As a young footy fulla - back in the day of square-toed black Don Clarke boots, the Domain was where we watched our hard-nosed, no nonsense rugby heroes.
Locally there was the dancing duo of Eddie Stokes and Jimmy Kamizona, who dazzled the crowd - as did the faster-than-lightning right wing Graham Moore, and the dramatic end to Toko Ririnui's playing career when he threw his boots up on to the Domain roof. Folklore magic memories to be treasured.
As was the winning of my brother Mike's club competition when he took the Mounties to the top with talent like Sir Titch, who has gone on to coach the World Cup-winning sevens.
And the fun of the maple pole at halftime in the park next door were treats that didn't cost a brass razoo, other than a few grass burns from trying to jump off at full tilt - to catch the second half - or my sisters for a sixpence when they wandered down from the Cliff Rd netball courts. If you have ever experienced the Domain from up in the stand or down on the field you will know just how special it is to run out on to as a player and the panoramic views from the stand are equal to any Cake Tin or Eden Park.
I guess we will see this Sunday how much it means to the locals and to watch the Steamers silence the cowbells will send out a signal of "Bring Back The Domain" for our civic leaders to listen to.
There is talk around the traps that a tight team of Taurangians are having a crack at putting together a game plan for not just the Domain but other much-needed amenities around town and given the collective clout they have in their powerful pack, it has more chance of success than any other proposal of the past.
These boys aren't just blowing in the wind like a Bob Dylan song or a Donald Trump feral hairpiece.
From all accounts they are the real deal and deserve our support if we are to give Tauranga the downtown soul it deserves.
There is no question that we need to get our kids off their digital devices and out on to the parks, playgrounds and sporting fields before they turn into an instant generation of Facebook geeks.
The same could be said for some of their parents, who are also spending way too much time looking for love on their laptops when they should be out sharing the magic moments of sport and recreation with their family and whanau.
C'mon the Bay!!
broblack@xtra.co.nz
-Tommy Wilson is a best-selling author and local writer.
