Sport: Gizza job, Tiger, go on, I can do that

Dear Tiger,
Let me just start by saying you did the right thing giving Stevie the flick.
He was getting a little long in the tooth and no doubt a little lippy too - you need Yes Men at this fragile point in your career, not attitude.
Let's also be brutally honest. When he picked up Adam Scott's bag in the US Open to apparently "keep his hand in" while your leg healed, he signed his resignation.
No disrespect intended to my caddying colleagues; but you don't forget how to hand over a five iron after a couple of months on the sideline.
Stevie also sure as hell didn't need to keep the money coming in. After all the coin you've thrown his way over the last 13 years, last time I checked he wasn't worried about making rent.
No, that's not the kind of loyalty any employee should be showing you in these desperate times.
TW - I feel I can call you that now - let's cut to the chase: I'm throwing my name in the hat to take over.
You won't have seen me looping on tour but I think that's a plus right now.
You need a fresh face - albeit one with a familiar accent - and one who knows his place and how to toe the line.
"No comment" is my middle name, I'm not opposed to throwing an over-zealous shutterbug into the nearest pond, and I'm bigger than Stevie, too, for those awkward moments when we're drawn to play against Scott.
Best of all, though, I work dirt cheap.
God knows, you don't need another staffer with his greedy hand out for standard rates the way you're playing.
Stevie got what, 10 per cent of earnings, win bonuses, plus a retainer and travel expenses?
Not too shabby where we come from. In fact, you made him the richest man in New Zealand sport for what? Knowing how to rake a bunker.
Hell, I'll even mow the Florida mansion lawns, but we need to iron out [no pun intended, readers] the terms up front so there's no confusion.
Because everyone but you knows you've absolutely no chance to win a major again. I'll carry your bag in every British and US Open, the Masters and PGA Champs from this point on for free and zero percentage of any top 10 cheque.
In return, however, you'll have to make it worth my while in the second-tier circus in which your career is now destined to stagnate.
Let's start me out on US$500,000 per year, plus expenses, of course, and I won't ask for a penny from prizemoney.
That's the smartest play on both fronts because the way things are looking from this end, it won't be long before you're living on appearance money and relying on exemptions for starts.
And when that time invariably comes, who's the first person you're going to blame? Yep, just sign at the bottom of the page and I'll see you next week on the practice range.
Yours, James