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Home / Bay of Plenty Times

Samantha Motion: Marriage is so last century - but we can still learn from it

Samantha Motion
By Samantha Motion
Regional Content Leader·Bay of Plenty Times·
1 Jun, 2021 10:08 PM3 mins to read

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The wedding is the easy bit. It's what you do next that matters. Photo / Getty Images

The wedding is the easy bit. It's what you do next that matters. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION

Today a Bay of Plenty couple, Kemp and Doreen McGechie, celebrate 70 happy years together. Congratulations!

The institution could have no better face than these two, who put saying "yes", "tolerance" and "patience" among their top recommendations for a happy and long-lasting union.

"Everybody has arguments – no one's perfect."

Solid advice.

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I've done a few wedding anniversary interviews in my career and enjoyed every one; it's a privilege of this job - but perhaps not one the generations of reporters coming after me will get to experience.

Is the institution of marriage rapidly losing relevancy? Statistics point to yes.

Stats NZ data shows rates of marriage and civil unions have been falling steeply since the 1970s.

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In 1971, the general marriage rate was 45.49.

As of 2019 - the most recent data available - that was down to 9.83.

It was a record low - only 10 couples in every 1000 eligible people (over 16 and unmarried) tied the knot.

Looks like younger generations are giving wedded bliss a big miss.

More interesting, perhaps is the divorce rate. Since the turn of the century, it has gradually fallen in New Zealand. It peaked at 17.1 per 1000 marriages in 1981, and now it's down around 8.6.

The population had risen, so while the rate was down the number of uncouplings was still up, meaning, overall, divorce lawyers were not being run out of business.

But the chance of a marriage ending in divorce has been dropping in New Zealand.

It's easy to imagine that one contributor to these trends is that fewer couples who perhaps shouldn't get married, aren't - and therefore are not divorcing and dividing their possessions in half.

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That's a good outcome. Divorce doesn't come with the stigma it once did, rightfully, but I have never heard anyone say it's easy and I doubt many people have it in their plan.

It will be curious to see the 2020 data - did lockdown and the pandemic send enough couplings over the edge to make a statistical imprint? Or did we come out stronger?

There have been a wealth of studies on marriage and whether it's likely to make people healthier or happier or wealthier and so on.

Some of most recent ones to make headlines in New Zealand over the last few years have found single people are more socially connected and women are happier without a spouse and kids.

Young couples today might wonder what they can learn from pairings such as Kemp and Doreen. They married in a very different time, with different social norms.

The core qualities that make a good marriage apply equally to any sort of long-term union.

The institution might be slipping away, but the relevancy of learning from people who have stayed together happily through the decades should not be lost.

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