To my mind they are minor crimes and, God forbid I ever become a tetraplegic, I'd be on self-medication so fast you wouldn't know it.
Since December, anyone who isn't an Australian citizen and has been in jail for 12 months or more can be deported.
Among the 100 or so Kiwis Canberra has so far rid itself of there have been some seriously bad eggs sent back to these shores.
I'd have deported them too.
But many former felons would have turned their lives around and become good residents and they can still be caught up in the crackdown.
Figures show thousands of Kiwis face the prospect of being repatriated.
There are 1500 New Zealanders in jail in Australia and another 5000 have been imprisoned over the past 10 years.
While I am here, if I commit serious crimes, get slammed away for my sins and then get deported after serving my sentence - I only have myself to blame. Governments do not usually deport law-abiding citizens.
Anyway, there will be some unfortunate victims in the crackdown on non-citizens across the Ditch - such as Paul - and one suspects his case was handled by a particularly officious pencil pusher because anyone with any sense, or humanity, would have balked at such a move.
That said, Australia - in fact every sovereign nation - has the right to accept or reject people who are not citizens of that country.
If Paul had become an Australian citizen during his 36 years there he would not be in the situation he is now facing.
And that goes for all the Kiwis who have been long-term residents of Australia.
While in the Solomon Islands a few months ago I was on a World War II battlefield tour and one of my fellow travellers was a very high-placed lawyer from Sydney.
I asked him about Kiwis living there and he said if they had taken up citizenship they would have the full rights of every other Australian.
They would be able to get benefits if they needed them, their kids would qualify for student loans and their children would acquire citizenship.
Sure, it is not as easy as it once was, and is more expensive, but if you are going to be living there for a long time why wouldn't you?
To me it just makes sense.
IF YOU think New Zealand doesn't have one rule for the rich and prominent and one for the rest of us then have a think on a recent court case in Auckland.
Three prominent businessmen avoided conviction and were granted permanent name suppression after attacking a neighbour.
They appeared after admitting assault, which could have resulted in a year in prison. Instead, they had to pay the victim only $1500 each.
The court was told the men's successful business could be ruined if details of their assault got out.
And they had a "confidential" business plan that may require them to travel overseas to untapped markets.
The impact on celebrities linked to the defendants would also be serious, the defence counsel said.
Sounds like bunkum to me, but the judge went along with it and granted permanent secrecy and discharged them without conviction.
That is after he had just told the court the victim - who copped head and arm injuries - went through "a terrifying and harrowing event".
I don't know about you, dear readers, but I find this case very distasteful on many levels.
First, I would like to know the names of a group of men who got stuck into one guy. Three on to one is poor form in my book and they deserve to be shamed for their actions.
And maybe these brutes should have thought about the consequences while they were putting their victim through such a terrible ordeal.
-richard@richardmoore.com
Richard Moore is an award-winning Western Bay journalist and photographer.
