And what's this with liquids?
No more than 100ml in a container. The fear is that you could mix together a cocktail of explosives and again take down a plane.
Guys, the only cocktail I want is a margarita.
And who is to say that 100ml is not enough anyway? I have a suspicion it's just an arbitrary number plucked out of the air to keep insurance companies happy.
That said I actually don't mind reasonable, sensible security precautions as I have no wish to become a statistic.
No guns, no grenades, no machetes, no snakes.
In 1987, on one of my flights into strife-torn Belfast, a policeman apologised for asking me to dismantle my cameras so they could be checked for explosives.
"Not a problem," was my response, "Check away. I'd rather do this than get blown out of the sky."
Another security check, this time in Frankfurt on my way to watch the Berlin Wall, was much less comfortable as a giant female guard demanded to frisk me.
"Ooo er," I thought, "Hope she plays nicely."
She did, unlike the German passenger next to me who lit up a ciggie, mid-flight, and refused to put it out even though we were in the non-smoking area.
Where are the guards when you need them, I thought, and did my best to avoid starting World War III. She's lucky my German did not go past "zwei bier bitte" and "don't mention ze war".
Before my recent overseas journey, I decided to check the banned items listed by all airlines in the ticketing small print. It made for amusing reading ... well, to me at least.
Of course, there were the liquids not being over 100ml, but thrown in were spray cans of similar volume and gels.
I guess that'll stop terrorists wanting to hijack or down a plane with hair gel.
And it stated the obvious in threatening to confiscate sharp items not packed away in the hold luggage. They include carpet knives, box cutters, letter openers, scissors and screwdrivers.
If you have them in your carry-on luggage then, according to the rules: "You may be required to surrender the item and it will not be returned to you."
Will they really seize corkscrews? And darts?
Dear lord ...
Mind you I can understand them not wanting sportsmen to carry bats, pool cues on board as there can be little more disruptive on a flight than a game of cabin cricket.
Don't you feel sorry for grandmothers who, under the rules, are not allowed to take knitting needles with them on a flight?
There used to be something comforting in seeing someone click-clack-clicking away putting together a jumper for little Johnny or cardy for baby Ruth.
Nowadays the quiet elderly woman with a skein of wool in seat 27a is seen as a secret jihadi suicide knitter.
What can you say other than advise everyone in the cabin to hit the floor if she says "purl one".
IT HAS been a while since the idiocy of some people has been mentioned in this column but I could not go past this little incident from Mangere east in Auckland.
Three teens were having a huffing session - stupidly inhaling butane gas to get a high - when one showed just how truly dumb they were.
He, or she, lit a cigarette.
Now most of us know what happens when inflammable gas meets with a naked flame and, no surprise here, there was an explosion.
The three were seriously injured in the blast.
Maybe the trio should have listened more in science classes.
• richard@richardmoore.com
Richard Moore is an award-winning Western Bay journalist and photographer.
