As someone who works from home, I object to being levied hundreds of dollars a year for accident compensation for my company.
I mean how much danger is there in sitting at a table, in my house, typing on a laptop?
Actually, quite a bit and it wasn't until the other day that I realised it.
Now this may sound silly but while at my work station I was almost taken out by a speeding sparrow.
Yes, I was inside.
Yes, I was at my table.
Yes, it was a sparrow.
You see I had the window out into the backyard open and as I was pouring out wonderful prose this feathered
bullet rocketed past me and smooshed itself into my sitting room window - from the inside.
Fortunately I do still have excellent reactions and avoided the critter by noting said speeding object in my peripheral vision and ducking just in time to avoid a beak in the temple.
It was sort of like evading a Dennis Lillee bouncer in that you could feel some form of satisfaction in having survived.
Said sub-sonic sparrow was not thinking about much as it rammed face-first into a now even dirtier window pane.
Unlike the cartoons, where creatures slam into solid things and slowly slide down them with a slight squeaking noise, there was no sign to be had of Super Sparrow. I got up, looked in the obvious spot - experience has told me that a ricocheting object will always end up in the hardest-to-get-to place behind a fold of curtain or some such position.
But no, the poor birdie was lying very still on the floor about a metre from the impact spot.
Picking it up gently I could see it was still alive, although who knew if it had massive brain damage, a broken neck or mortal internal injuries.
I figured the best spot for it was out in some sunlight at the front of the house where, if it recovered, then all would be good. If it didn't then - like someone suffering a monstrous hangover - it would at least die in warmth.
Anyway, 20 minutes later I went to check on the feathered flyer just in time to see it take to the air and disappear over the fence.
As I waved it farewell and almost broke into Now is the Hour the thought struck me I could well have been the only person in the world to be killed in a collision with a sparrow while sitting inside a building.
It would be perfect material for some journalist to take the mickey out of me for the unfortunate circumstance of my demise ... but at least his ACC levy would go up.
My, weren't there a lot of letters and comments over the Bay cafe that refused to tolerate a noisy child and asked the parents to leave.
It seems most of the opinion sided with the establishment and fewer had sympathy for the family. Sure, it was harsh, but probably also fair, as I reckon the needs of the many usually outweigh the needs of the one.
Children also need to realise that while their parents hang on every action they do, other adults are not a slightly bit interested in them.
I know it isn't easy to be out and about with young beasties but there was a parent in a Papamoa supermarket the other day who really needed to take their toddler in tow.
This he-devil did whatever he blinking well pleased running from item to item while his mother was in the checkout queue.
"Stop it Suchandsuch," "behave yourself Suchandsuch", "Ohhhh, Suchandsuch put that down", "No Suchandsuch you can't have that."
It went on for about two minutes while I was in the "quick queue" - you can guess the venue now can't you - and I have to say I very nearly turned to Suchandsuch's mum and suggested a short, sharp, shock may bring the little brute into line.
Either that or I'd accidentally drop a bag of flour on the little miscreant.
Now here is something you don't want to miss out on if you are into great music and having a fun time.
Summerfest 2012 is on at Blake Park, the Mount, on February 5 and features local music stars Stan Walker and Jeremy Redmore (from Midnight Youth). There is also a battle of the bands.
Summerfest 2012 is an alcohol-free, all-day family event that should be an absolute ripper.
And, in addition, there are going to be some photos of the Rena oil spill put up on a giant screen. They are the work of a photographer who has spent months documenting the disaster. I can't tell you his name but his initials are RM.
'The only thing keeping me going is trying to stay strong to fight for the ban': owner