Unfortunately, on the website there were only six jobs up for grabs and the application period was already over for three of them.
Including my dream job.
It ticked all the boxes for me:
Did I want to live and work in a progressive, connected city with an unmatched lifestyle?
You betcha.
Did I want to be part of growing Tauranga into a world-class city?
All right! Please, please, please, sign me up.
I take back all of the things I've said about council overstaffing and the need to cut our $450 million debt by reducing the city's payroll of $36 million a year.
I will refuse to worry that the annual rates from every third house in our city goes to pay for staff at the Town Hall.
I promise to ignore the financial ineptitude of spending a quarter of our rates paying interest alone on our debt.
And, if I become a council staffer, I will enjoy playing the game of Yes, Councillor - the aim of which is to pretend to do what they want, without actually doing anything or, even more amusingly, go the opposite way.
And I am already practising the art of smoke and mirrors - although in one of the sessions I attracted a touring busload of Native Americans who thought I was inviting them to a tea party.
Most of all, as a guy who likes quizzes and stretching the grey matter, I want to join in the council staff sweepstake of who can hide from councillors the longest without being counted.
Although, it must be said, I think Cr Rick Curach has done quite the wrong thing by staff in forcing pen pushers to release staffing levels and costs and - the cheek - making them report the numbers regularly.
Who does he think he is? And who does he think he represents?
Anyway, back to my possible new job.
Here is some of the job description.
"This position is highly customer focused and therefore you will need to be an excellent and confident communicator with strong interpersonal skills in order to effectively manage the wide and varied range of customer relationships."
I can do that. What else?
"You will also undertake the role of City Ambassador while on duty, promoting a friendly and helpful public image and ensuring advice and assistance is provided to our customers."
Easy peasy, this is money for jam.
"Your normal hours of work will be Tuesday to Saturday (40 hours per week) and the occasional Sunday."
Sounds okay.
And ... "You will also need to demonstrate effective conflict resolution ability and resilience. This role will require you to work effectively in both a team and lone-working environment."
Oh man, a lone wolf ... this is me.
So, dear readers, have you worked out what my new job would have been?
Here we go.
It's coming soon.
I wanted to apply to be a parking officer.
A hat, a ticketing machine and a piece of chalk. Who could have asked for more?
NOW many things we have in the modern world surpass items our great-great-grandparents used in their lives except, maybe, attitudes.
Here is a beauty from 100 years ago.
"This is a trivial case and should not have been brought before the Court," said Mr L G Reid, SM (Stipendiary Magistrate), at the Masterton SM Court yesterday afternoon, in dismissing a case brought against a young woman of having assaulted a boy with an umbrella and with her fist.
"The evidence went to show that the defendant was walking along the road with a companion, when the boy made objectionable remarks to her. She told him to go home, and the boy thereupon threw mud at her.
"She chased him, and struck him on the legs with an umbrella she was carrying."
All I can say is "You go, gal!"
Richard Moore is an award-winning Western Bay journalist and photographer
richard@richardmoore.com
