Richard Moore: Don't tolerate domestic violence

Angie Warren-Clarke with some toys donated to the refuge.

A number of years ago I got a phone call from a friend who was in a hell of a state.

I could tell by her voice that it was a major problem and my first thought was that one of her relatives had died?

No.

Okay, I said, are you all right?

Sort of.

Well, I can tell you are not, but I'm here so what do you need?

It was a long conversation - it was hard for her to raise the matter - but eventually she did.

What I heard had the Moore red curtain coming down over my eyes and the anger was instant.

Her de-facto had been thumping her.

Right, I said, I'll be over soon. Is he there?

Yes, she responded, but he's asleep.

The grog and the drugs had clearly done their job.

She told me not to come over.

Are you sure you don't want me to come over, you can stay at my place if you need.

No, no, I'll be all right.

Okay, but call anytime if he does it again, otherwise I'll see you on the weekend.

It was lucky for me - but particularly her boyfriend - that I didn't go over because I would not have been responsible for my actions.

My friend was a strong woman, intelligent, independent and wouldn't take rubbish from anyone. Except this guy.

Maybe she was sorry for him, I don't know, but I respected her enough to let her deal with it on the proviso she would call me if things were getting hairy.

I did visit that weekend and sat down with the guy, not letting on I knew. I was seething and wanted to give him a sharp lesson in not hitting women.

I didn't, purely for my friend. I just swung the conversation around to an associated matter and casually dropped into the chat my abhorrence of domestic violence and how abusers needed to be dealt with severely.

There were no more incidents that I knew of but, thankfully, my friend left him a few months later.

My memories of that came back when I read the unpleasant story in the Bay of Plenty Times yesterday about domestic abuse in the Bay.

The number of crisis calls being made by women to the Tauranga Women's Refuge has risen by 65 per cent so far this year. And, each week, four of those phone calls have refuge staff in emergency mode to remove mums and kids from dangerous situations.

The previous year, the centre took 780 crisis calls and, in nine months of this year, there have already been 1276 calls.

If you were to extrapolate those calls across the full year then the likely total is 1700, a jump of well over 100 per cent.

This is outrageous.

And what is even more outrageous is the refuge only gets funding to deal with 360 cases - incidents that include choking, kidnappings, sexual assault and threats involving weapons.

The refuge's safe house has already sheltered 122 clients this year, about on par with last year's 171 women and children.

Refuge manager Angie Warren-Clarke told this newspaper women arrived at the safe house "terrified, crying, most of them are in shock or shaking. Their children are silent and terrified."

What a terrible state of affairs. And what is worse is that funding for the refuge is only for 107 people a year.

Talk about woefully inadequate.

I couldn't get hold of any figures regarding the budgets of refuges around the country but I would have thought cutting back on a few perks for MPs could see more funds diverted to this crucial work.

But it isn't just official funding agencies that need to lift their game in this matter, everyone needs to do so.

Keep an eye out for your friends, relatives or children.

Domestic violence is a largely hidden crime that runs across all races and all rungs of society's social ladder.

If you know something is going on - and the victim can't or won't do anything about it - act yourself. Or, at the very least, be there to give support. If things are really bad then report it.

We should name and shame offenders convicted of domestic violence and publicly humiliate them for their cowardly ways.

That is after they have been locked into a large room with their victim's relatives and friends for 30 minutes.

-Richard@richardmoore.com

Richard Moore is an award-winning Western Bay journalist and photographer