The adrenalin is designed to help you have the energy to respond to any new threat — respond with fight, flight or freeze. The energy is there to help you to be able to run away, defend yourself and those you love, or stay in one space and become small to try to not draw attention to yourself. So the physical responses are all about trying to keep your body safe after a significant threat. When these bursts of energy are repeated, it is exhausting and will make sleeping difficult. This vigilance also means it will be hard to concentrate on anything else other than trying to keep safe — so it might be hard to remember much in the aftermath of the trauma, or be able to pay attention or make clear decisions. This is completely normal, and understandable, because your brain and body are in survival mode, and the thinking part of your brain is not as active as all focus is on safety.
These increased levels of watchfulness and energy in your body can lead to people being more emotionally reactive. Feelings may be felt very strongly and feel less able to be controlled. People can be very quick to burst into tears, or become upset, angry, scared — and even have moments of intense relief, joy and happiness.
This “hyperarousal” is again because your body and brain are on high alert, and it is important to give yourself (and others) some slack about how emotions may show up in the immediate days after a trauma. Those emotions can feel like they come up really quickly, and it is good to just let them come and go, and not act on them or try to shut them down. They are a normal emotional and physical response to the situation. No emotion will be “wrong” right now; anger, grief, sadness, fear, worry — all very normal. In the event of a life-threatening trauma, some people even feel elation and a feeling of joy about being alive. That is also very normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. You can feel multiple emotions all at once — happiness for yourself, and immense sadness and compassion for others.
I know some people feel “survivor guilt” after a community disaster — but you can (and are allowed to) feel joy, gratitude, happiness and relief that you have come out okay, and that does not make you a bad person. It makes you human.
After a trauma, people can have what is called “re-experiencing” — literally, feeling that you are going through the same thing again. People might recognise the term “flashbacks”; these can be triggered by predictable things. Such as rain and the sound of water, or any sound, smell, sight that reminds someone of the traumatic experiences they have had.
Sometimes, a reminder might be more unexpected, and that can lead people to feel fearful of being triggered without warning. Some people try to make their worlds very small to avoid any reminder of what happened, to avoid feeling the emotions it brings up for them. This is understandable in the short term, but ultimately not very helpful, or even possible. Avoidance can bring about a reduction in your mood, as you withdraw from people, places and activities that are meaningful and important to you, out of fear of being reminded of what has happened. It is important to know that as reminders come up and nothing bad happens, your brain will realise these are memories rather than things happening in the present moment, and you will react less to these triggers over time.
And that’s one of the hard parts. Getting through a trauma takes time. It takes time for your brain to truly believe you are safe. While you are going through the immediate emotional and physical responses to trauma, it is important to be extremely kind to yourself and allow people to care for you.
Firstly, taking care of your body is crucial, as trauma has such a physical impact and can affect sleep, appetite, and your ability to think clearly and manage your emotions. Having as much energy and fuel as possible for your brain means your body and mind are more equipped to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions that follow a trauma. Eat as well as you can. Let people feed you and accept any offers you can. Getting as much sleep as you can is vital, but also difficult when your brain is constantly on high alert. Sleep when and how you can; if you feel comforted sleeping in the company of others, set up the whole family in one room. Children in particular will find this helpful and find being near adults comforting, as they have such faith in our ability to care for them. Do what works for now, and you will be able to make changes as your circumstances change. But for now, what is helpful, healthy and workable is the key.
Adults, take care of yourselves and support one another — children will look to you for guidance and cues as to whether things are okay and whether they are safe. It is going to be a long time before things are okay, but the more you tell yourself that you are now safe and focus on the present moment, the more you will feel safe in the world around you again. And children will pick up on this.
It is totally fine to show your emotions in front of your children — they need to know their feelings are normal and adults share them. But show them that you are able to regulate and maintain control over your emotions, or children will feel increased levels of distress that the adults they trust to care for them are unable to care for themselves or others. So, adults, lean on one another, model to children that social support is helpful and necessary and offload to other adults so you are able to support your children.
Traumas like this can affect people’s view of the world and the future, and while there are discussions to be had about rebuilding and how best to do this, it is important to remember that you are not alone, this has been an extraordinary event, and that there are good people around who are helping. Regaining optimism for the future is really important for people’s mental health, as they are grappling with what they have lost. For adults (and the tamariki watching them) having a sense of hope is so important for your state of mind and wellbeing.
For those supporting people who have experienced this trauma, just be there. Listen when people want to talk, but don’t force people to share their experiences. People need to do this in their own time when it feels emotionally manageable for them.
We know from research and clinical experience that asking people what has happened to them in detail can lead to people feeling overwhelmed with emotions and their memories, before they have the strength to manage. This can actually make things worse and they are “flooded” with traumatic memories. Let people tell you in their own time about what they have seen, heard and experienced. And when they do, just let them talk, listen and validate how they are feeling. Don’t immediately focus on any positives or try to find “silver linings”; this can feel incredibly disrespectful for people who have lost so much.
Listening and hearing means people will feel heard and understood, and will help their brains to feel more regulated as they feel safe in relationships with supportive others. And once they have been able to talk freely to accepting and open ears, people will often try to find the things to be grateful for and balance their thinking themselves.
We have to allow space and time for processing the tragic events of the past few days. Some people are obviously distressed straight away — through cues such as tears, high emotions, or even being so shocked they find it difficult to know what to do next or make any decisions.
But it is also important to recognise that delayed responses may occur; people can feel initially okay, as they get busy “doing” and getting active with tasks that require a lot of physical and emotional focus. This includes cleanups, organising insurance claims, figuring out the practical tasks such as food, clothing, shelter. Once the busyness and necessary tasks involved in the immediate stages of a traumatic disaster are addressed, that is when some people find they start to reflect on and process emotionally what they have been through. There are no timeframes restrictions for grief, loss and trauma.
And so, as a nation, this cyclone will have impacts that are felt for decades to come. We are all experiencing varying degrees of distress and sadness over what has happened. But support goes inwards — those less affected support those most affected. And for those communities hit hardest, the rest of the country is here for you. Aotearoa NZ is a country that rallies in a crisis and comes together. We are already seeing that, with stories of heroism, generosity and kindness. There is a long road ahead for these affected communities, but you are not alone. Kia kaha — Aotearoa NZ is with you.
