Opinion: Let's be sensible about hugs

Greeting relatives with a hug and a peck on the cheek is important for children's development. Photo/Getty Images

It's a sad state of affairs when we start debating whether parents are setting their kids up for a life of abuse by inciting their children hug or kiss adult relatives and family friends.

Child-abuse charity CAPS Hauraki has launched a viral social media campaign claiming just that and has created a storm of controversy.

What is most striking is that we even need to be having this conversation.

Families should be a safe place for children. Kids should not have to fear their relatives.

The campaign is a sharp reminder of New Zealand's tragic record of child abuse and the fact that, too often, the offender is a family member.

That said, I think the campaign is taking things too far.

Yes, we need to make sure kids know what physical contact is appropriate (and from whom) and talk to them about what to do if they feel the line is being pushed.

But hugs and kisses among families is, in my opinion, not only entirely acceptable but important in the development of children and 99 per cent of the time there is nothing untoward about it.

Not only do children need to be shown love and affection but they need to learn what the social norms are around greeting people.

It is socially accepted that you greet grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins with a hug and a peck on the cheek; no matter how old you are.

Older relatives and family friends expect it and it is only polite to comply. Kids need to learn to go along with these norms.

They might be able to get away with refusing a hug when they are young and cute but as they get older they will find they can no longer get away with saying no.

Not only is it polite but it is part of building strong, loving, healthy relationships with those closest to you.

In a world where every one is becoming more independent, it is important to foster strong family relationships.

We need to keep our kids safe, but let's be sensible about it.