Ruby Tui is in hot demand on the speaking and sponsorship circuit. Photo / Michael Craig
This article ran on April 20 and is one of the most popular stories on nzherald.co.nz in 2023.
Exclusive interview: Five months after the Rugby World Cup victory, that famous singalong and a best-selling book, Ruby Tui is emerging as a powerhouse off the field. She talks over lunch with editor-at-large Shayne Currie about living life with purpose, her future plans - and children.
Her hand has fended off rugby players around the globe, lifted two gold medals, and – devastatingly – held a knife as she contemplated suicide when she was only 11 years old. I reach out to shake it, but she sweeps my arm aside.
“Can we have a hug, bro?”
Ruby Tui is as unconventional and authentic as ever.
Five months on from that glorious Rugby World Cup final at Eden Park – the gold medal, the singalong, an all-night party – she bounds into lunch in her black, short-sleeved adidas top, Black Ferns shorts and white cap as if she’s ready for another 80 minutes.
She’s back training and has a new rugby contract under her belt. On the day we meet, she hasn’t quite signed, but it’s imminent. It has been, clearly, a careful negotiation process – Ruby Tui is now a wanted woman, with dozens of media and speaking requests, sponsorship commitments and a travel schedule that’s more akin to that of an Air New Zealand flight attendant.
Three weeks ago, she was commentating on matches at the World Sevens Series in Hong Kong, before moving on to Singapore the following week. This week, it’s a mini-break in Tahiti. In a couple of weeks, a speaking engagement at a conference in Nashville.
Welcome to the “crazy life” of Ruby Tui – at the age of 31, still young and fit, but with an old soul and a deep sense of purpose which emerges as we talk over lunch at Boda restaurant, on the top floor of Movenpick Hotel in Auckland city.
Her media appearances and social media posts are legendary – a lighthearted poke at the BBC in a posh English accent, a terrible Dad joke with the former Prime Minister.
“Aunty Cindy, I was just wondering, when you finish being Prime Minister, can you give me Ar-Dern?”
@rubytui Prime opportunity 🤷🏽♀️ #fyp
♬ original sound - Rubytui
Tui herself is puzzled by some of the reactions she receives. “I find [it] a bit strange, don’t you? I feel like I’m just chatting. It goes viral, which is weird. It is what it is.”
She has been the “culture leader” in many of her teams, driving the off-field antics, helping corral the troops and alerting the captain or managers if she’s worried about a teammate. She and the Black Ferns, of course, lifted the spirits of the entire country in November. World Cup champions, by a hair’s breadth.
Relentlessly competitive on the field, away from the game, she puts people at the centre of her universe. You’re at ease immediately. Hence the hug.
“Lunch with Shayne, yeah!” she says at one point, grinning. This is the first time we’ve met; she’s treating me like an old pal.
Cast your mind back to that fabulous night in November and the nerve-racking Rugby World Cup victory over England, a team that had not been beaten in 30 matches.
During a live, post-match interview, Tui grabs the microphone, imploring the Eden Park crowd into song.
She starts the chant: “Tūtira Mai Ngā Iwi …!”
The crowd erupts in kind: “Aue!”
And we’re away. Full-on singalong, celebration mode.
It came naturally for Tui.
“Some people might find that weird. But if you walk into our team - first of all, we’re a rugby team, everybody chants after they win. You look at any clubroom. It’s a common thing.
“A lot of us are brown. So we’re singing Samoan songs, we’re singing Māori songs.”
Tui had been to a lot of games at Eden Park as a fan, often to watch the All Blacks. She’d never seen the stands so full so long after the final whistle.
“If you go to a rugby tournament [overseas] and sing ‘Tūtira Mai Ngā Iwi…’, about six people in the crowd turn around and go ‘Aue!’ That’s how you can find the Kiwis. So, it’s always been in and around rugby life to me. There was no doubt in my mind it would work.
“We had stopped playing for a long time. By the time I got pulled into that interview, I look up and all three tiers [of the stand] are chokka, I’d never seen it. And so, I was like, ‘Oh, my guys are keen! My guys are here for the party!’
“In my head, it just made complete sense. It was just another day being a Black Fern, really.”
One fan posted on social media: “Men’s rugby can learn a lot from Ruby Tui. Her enthusiasm and originality is f***ing infectious … legend.”
Another: “Ruby Tui is an international treasure. That woman gives me goosebumps. What an advocate for women in sport.”
Ruby Tui’s biography, Straight Up, remains firmly lodged on the best-seller list, seven months after its release. It was written and published before the World Cup final, but it transcends rugby.
Tui set out to write a sports book and ended up with an astounding masterpiece on life. At various times it crosses into self-care, leadership, relationships and teamwork. Each chapter concludes with a piece of advice from ‘Ruby’s training bag’.
An example: “Our team is a waka and we leave mana in our wake.” And another: “It’s not your skin colour, your salary or any of that stuff that makes you great; it’s your fight, it’s your work ethic.”
Rugby has been a saviour and a metaphor in her life, giving her a sense of purpose – at the centre of it all, the quest to help one another: team spirit and camaraderie.
She writes impactfully of winning the Sevens silver medal at the 2016 Rio Olympic Games - and the drama which surrounded that campaign - before going one step higher on the dais to win gold at the following Tokyo Olympics.
The storytelling is raw. Her life uprooted – from happy, wholesome early days in Wellington to chaotic, scary and ugly times in Marlborough and on the West Coast.
Witnessing the death of one of her father’s friends from crack; the suicide attempt at 11 in the horribly mistaken belief she was at fault for others’ issues; the murder of one of her best friend’s mothers; fleeing with her own mother and younger brother to a West Coast Women’s Refuge to escape her mum’s abusive, violent partner. Mum’s decision - along with the love and support of other family members - helped save her.
At 18, she headed to Christchurch to pursue a BA and media and communication studies at the University of Canterbury; she found a pair of $20 boots on Trade Me and fell in love with rugby. The Ilam practice grounds were her haven, a punt away from her university hall.
Straight Up blows the stereotypical rugby biography out the door. It is the first ever written by a female professional rugby player.
Tui says she was originally inspired by Sam Warburton’s book – in particular, the Welsh star’s description of what happened on the field when he was red-carded for a dangerous tackle at the men’s Rugby World Cup in New Zealand in 2011.
The Welsh were among the favourites at the tournament; they should have made the final at least. Warburton’s card put paid to those hopes. “He spills the tea on that card and how they didn’t make the final. Oh man, I love that because I can put myself in the shoes,” says Tui.
“So, I wanted to get into the [Sevens] Olympics and what we were … what was going through my mind. But in order to understand why I think like that as a player, I was like, oh, I have to explain my life, why I am the way I am.
“The life stuff, all the non-rugby stuff – people from all over the world have related to that. The reaction has been out of the gate, I never thought that would happen.”
While she’s had a nomadic existence around New Zealand, her roots are firmly, proudly, planted and shared in her Samoan heritage on Dad’s side, and in her mother’s palagi – European – side.
She speaks openly in the book about her parents and upbringing. Why they weren’t right for each other – and Tui recognising that herself when she was only a young girl.
Loving and loved parents – separated now, but still hugely important people in her life.
Her father’s battle with the bottle. Her mother lived for a time – a long time – with that abusive new partner.
What does her mother think of the book?
She was “shooketh”, says Tui.
“I said, ‘I will not put anything in there that you’re not okay with’, and she felt a lot better. I said, ‘I really want to put in the Women’s Refuge and everything’. Obviously, she didn’t feel like…” Tui’s voice tapers off.
“She felt some type of way about it.”
Clearly, her mother wasn’t comfortable. Tui told her she wouldn’t include the story. Her mother asked her to send her a draft of the chapter.
Tui still has the reply she received. “She wrote back straight away and was like, ‘You have to write this book and you have to put it in there’.
“So it actually brought my mum and me closer, because she realised she was literally my real-life hero growing up.”
And Dad? “He’s not as much of an avid reader as Mum, but he’s probably been more open than Mum about his situation. When I was talking to him, I was like, ‘I believe alcoholism in this country is a lot more rife than is talked about or we would like to believe, or is represented anywhere really’.
“He always says, ‘I’m an alcoholic, I chose this life’, and everything. So it wasn’t as big a deal for Dad did as it was for Mum.”
At the Singapore Sevens earlier this month, one of the competing team’s liaison officers came running up to Tui at the stadium, embracing her. “She just started bawling her eyes out and said, ‘I’ve just gone through the hardest time of my life and if it wasn’t for your book, I wouldn’t have got through it’.”
Those connections are everywhere. A colleague, upon learning I was sitting down with Tui for an interview, spoke about her social media presence. “If I’m having a bad day, I’ll just turn to her Instagram.”
Over lunch, Tui will duck and weave certain questions – mainly about her rugby contract – but always with a laugh.
Her manager Dan Sing orders a range of shared plates for the table – lobster, a smashed cucumber salad, heirloom tomatoes, beef, raw fish and chicken skewers.
Tui now has her own nutritionist (and trainer and physio) and she adds a side of steamed rice, which takes pride of place in front of her. “Such a good feed.”
She’ll stay on sparkling water for lunch, while Sing and I have a glass of beer. “Second round, yeahhh!” Tui says at one stage.
At one point during lunch, I put it to her that we’re now seeing the transformation of Ruby Tui, sportswoman, to Ruby Tui, businesswoman.
“Say that again!” she says.
A theme that constantly arises with Tui is her purpose. She feels a deep sense of responsibility – in life, relationships, rugby and commercial partnerships.
Today’s lunch venue, the Movenpick Hotel, is one of Accor’s hotels, a Tui supporter and sponsor. She stays at the Pullman, another hotel in the group. She has access to their gyms across the world, but it was their commitment to female sports ambassadors which helped get her across the line.
With Bunnings, she’s helped in the campaigns to have women’s changing rooms built at clubs around the country. With NZR’s Head First campaign, it’s about focusing on mental health.
Same with Goodyear and Downer – that morning she’d been speaking to Downer staff, frontline workers, who have been striving to get water and services back to Aucklanders still impacted by summer’s adverse weather events. They’ve been working around the clock.
The least she can do, she says, is talk to the workers, and take some selfies with her Rugby World Cup medal.
“I go in there and I literally talk to a 16-year-old who’s trying to help his family. He’s studying to be with Downer, on the road programme. You know, he might be struggling with work and family things.
“It’s kind of like grassroots. I can get in there and be like, ‘You know what bro, it’s really hard, but you’re going to have to have conversations with your parents and you might have to put a cap on how much money you’re giving them every month’. It’s like my people in these industries.”
Life is crazy, she says, and she’s not going to say yes to every potential sponsor or offer. “It’s like, well, what are you doing to make a difference?
“That’s been really, really huge and it matters … you’ve got to go out of your way for things you actually believe in. Everything I do every day, I believe in every job I do.
“Nothing I do is mediocre or just for likes. I really like myself; I don’t need other people’s likes, you know,” she says.
Tui says she’s given her rugby future considerable thought. At 31 – “81 in rugby years!” – she knows she won’t be on the field forever, and that’s “mind-boggling”.
She’s spoken to some players who think they have given up too early; others perhaps held on for too long.
“When I see the contract in front of me, it’s not so much about everybody else. It’s like, well, Ruby, is your heart on this? Is your passion still in this?
“I’ve been asking myself that question a lot lately and [the answer], fortunately, continues to be yes.”
She loved commentating on Super Rugby Aupiki for Sky TV this year, but it was hard not being on the field. She adored travelling to Hong Kong and Singapore and the challenge of calling the international games on the World Sevens circuit.
She was in the booth in Hong Kong, performing the haka as the Black Ferns were victorious. Another popular video.
So she’s not ready to retire yet; she’s had great advice from the likes of mentor Keven Mealamu and the rugby players’ association.
“I’m fortunate to have that kind of relationship with myself that I’m not scared of the day that I say no.
“I think it’s being in tune with yourself, looking after your mental health, and asking yourself honest questions every day and not being afraid to do that.”
On the personal side, there’s also family and relationships to take into account.
She definitely wants to have children. “But I mean, like when, eh? But, yeah, definitely. Don’t we all want kids?”
She checks herself. “Actually, I meet lots of people who don’t, so that’s actually not true.”
As for her on-field work and with her new rugby contract, there’s a deeper sense of purpose.
“What’s the purpose in life? To go back and make change, you know? So, it’s a huge responsibility, but it’s also, I feel very blessed to find something that I can give back so hugely with.
“Women’s rugby is growing 40 per cent, men’s rugby is dropping. So I actually think it’s part of my role to grow men’s rugby as well … like all rugby.
“And so therefore, I do feel a responsibility that the next choice I make is in support of people who see that and understand that.”
She accepts her “crazy” high profile. “I’ve really got to stand next to those who champion our sport, and that’s within New Zealand Rugby itself.”
As we wrap up lunch, one of the Accor managers comes to chat. It’s the school holidays and his two young boys are with him; Tui spends the next 15 minutes talking to them, showing them her World Cup medal.
They, in turn, show her their Rubik’s Cube and the tricks to solving it – it’s a new challenge for Tui. Those two boys are now at the centre of Ruby Tui’s universe.
As she writes the next chapter of her life, it’s perhaps best to cite another of her training bag mantras: “I take control of the pressure. I let go of my stress and I find my excitement.”
* At Lunch with... is an occasional series by Editor-at-Large Shayne Currie:
* Don’t miss Editor-at-Large Shayne Currie’s weekly Media Insider column, published every Friday and Saturday:
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