Russell Gordon, principal of Mount Maunganui College, talks about using the internet wisely. Photo/John Borren.
Russell Gordon, principal of Mount Maunganui College, talks about using the internet wisely. Photo/John Borren.
One in 14 teenagers posts something online they regret by the age of 16. And the spread of social media sites has parents and schools concerned about online bullying, as reporter Juliet Rowan discovers.
In a world where teenagers have up to 3000 Facebook friends, it can be difficult, if not impossible, for parents to keep track of their children's online activity.
A new survey shows that almost 30 per cent of New Zealand teens have posted something online they regret by age 16.
Once you've posted something, you've lost control of it and you don't know where it might end up. Anything can be copied, stored and redistributed online.
Alarmingly, only about one-third say they "properly know" all their Facebook friends.
The AVG Technologies survey's results are in line with global figures and expose the potential for harm to young New Zealanders navigating the world of the internet and social media. Experts say keeping kids safe in the digital age requires parents taking an active interest in their children's online activities from the moment they begin using e-devices.
The survey questioned 4000 teens aged 11 to 16 globally on the topic of online privacy.
Although the majority of teens here and abroad say they put passwords on their digital devices, the survey found New Zealand parents are much less aware of their children's online habits than in other countries.
And just 30 per cent of Kiwi parents know some or all of their children's passwords, compared with the global average of 70 per cent.
Mount Maunganui College principal Russell Gordon is one of those in the minority. The father-of-three says he enjoys a relationship of trust with his children and knows the passwords to their digital devices.
"If they change them, they will tell us when we ask," he says.
As a school principal and father to children aged 16, 14 and 11, Mr Gordon says online safety is a concern for his pupils and children.
His 16-year-old daughter began asking to join Facebook when she was 13 but he had reservations and made her wait until she was 15.
"While I trust my daughter, I don't trust everyone she associates with.
"I said, 'If it's Facebook you want to go on, then I will be your friend'."
His 14-year-old son uses Facebook and a cellphone only sporadically, while his 11-year-old daughter is yet to ask to join social media.
None of his children have suffered cyberbullying but it is something he sees at school and says the perpetrators often have little idea of the harm they cause with a nasty comment.
"I genuinely see kids hurt and it's pretty hard to escape from it. When it's online and everyone can go on to the medium, you're confronted with it and you're trapped.
Mr Gordon says cyberbullies are emboldened by the ease of posting comments - "people will whip off a statement about [a victim] from behind their phone or computer and say something about them with impunity" - and rapid online sharing among teens escalates the situation quickly.
"When you respond so quickly, you obviously respond without thinking through the consequences of what's being said."
He tackles any cyberbullying incident in the same way he would a face-to-face dispute - by getting the two parties together with parental consent. In most cases, a resolution is worked out when the teens realise how statements on social media can be misunderstood and misrepresented.
Junior students at the school receive talks from internet safety group NetSafe about being respectful and responsible online and, in his own home, Mr Gordon asks his kids to put all their digital devices into a communal charging area at night.
That way, they are not taking them into their bedrooms and potentially festering on posts they may read before going to sleep.
Other parents spoken to also say they limit computers to living areas and put age restrictions on when teens can join Facebook.
"We have talked to them about how Facebook stays with you forever, how employers will look at it in the future," says a father-of-three aged 20, 18 and 14.
Some parents voice their concern about the volume of information - and in particular, images - that young people post on the internet. A mother of a 13-year-old girl says her daughter and friends post hundreds of images at a time to photo-sharing app Instagram.
Speed and volume can overwhelm
The speed and volume of online sharing is overwhelming when you consider the number of "friends" teens are likely to have on social media.
A 16-year-old Tauranga boy says he recently culled his Facebook friends from 700 to 350, but knows teens with up to 3000 Facebook friends.
He says he properly knows all his Facebook friends because he regularly travels to sports events in other cities and meets lots of people.
He has not regretted posting anything online, saying: "I don't really have anything to hide so I don't really have anything to fear."
Nor has he been a victim of cyberbullying, but says he knows plenty of people who have received anonymous messages, hate mail and "just general comments aimed to sledge and kick them".
"They often get quite down," he says.
"They won't go through their school routine in the same way. They walk with their head down. Their general demeanour is negative. You have to ask them what's going on."
He says teenagers need to think more about the comments they share about others online. "If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't say it to them over the internet or through social media."
At the same time, he does not believe schools do enough to address cyberbullying. "They discuss it but they don't really put out a firm message about stopping it."
When you're sitting behind the device, you don't see the reaction of the person. You may think it's a funny prank, but people can be quite hurt by that.
Some schools require students to sign an internet use agreement that outlines responsible use.
Tauranga Boys' College has such an agreement and principal Robert Mangan says online safety forms part of his school's Year 9 and 10 health programme, coming under the title "responsible use of social media".
Speakers on the subject also visit the school, and cyberbullying is covered in a unit to ensure students understand their responsibilities to not post harmful or offensive material online.
"In my view, schools have a role in educating students about online safety," says Mr Mangan. "However, there are significant issues in monitoring this and, ultimately, I think this responsibility rests with parents."
Internet safety group Netsafe regularly fields calls from young people who are distressed after sharing things online.
Training and education specialist Lee Chisholm says the teens who are the most distressed have usually shared photos, particularly intimate photos, with someone they trusted at the time, but who misuses or shares the images in a manner that the person who shared them did not intend.
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"It's a difficult concept for young people to understand the long-term consequences of what is posted and, more so, to understand how other people might misuse that." She says Netsafe can offer advice on taking some things down, but other things can never be removed.
"Once you've posted something, you've lost control of it and you don't know where it might end up. Anything can be copied, stored and redistributed online."
On the day Bay of Plenty Times Weekend spoke to Ms Chisholm, she had already fielded two calls from distressed teenagers who were the victims of online imposters. One of the teens had shared passwords with a friend, who had then gone online and pretended to be the person.
Ms Chisholm says the motivation is not always malicious.
"When you're sitting behind the device, you don't see the reaction of the person. You may think it's a funny prank, but people can be quite hurt by that. Young people respond very quickly online and the situation can escalate into something that was never intended."
She says the key to educating children about safe online sharing is to get involved in their online world from the start. "When they're young, they're happy to show parents what games they're playing and who they're chatting with, and if those habits are made early, parents can continue to have a relationship of trust with their children."
She says parents need to shape children into "good digital citizens", teaching them to respect others online in the same way they would offline. She advises parents to discuss privacy and the level of information it is appropriate to share with their children.
"If they've talked about that and given them plenty of ways to solve problems and they know they have adults they can trust, it doesn't matter if the parent doesn't know every app the young person is using."
Parents also need to model good online behaviour themselves, Ms Chisholm adds.
Online sharing by New Zealand teenagers: - 27 per cent say they regret posting something online. - 39 per cent have asked someone to remove content about them posted online. - 23 per cent talk to friends about "deeply personal things" online, but only 35 per cent say they "properly know" all their Facebook friends. - Only 30 per cent of NZ parents know some or all of their children's online passwords, compared with the global average of 70 per cent. - AVG Technologies Digital Diaries research NetSafe offers a telephone helpline for anyone with cyber concerns: 0508 NETSAFE (0508 638 723).
