Important for new mums to retain own identity

Mothers are seen as selfish if they do anything for themselves after having a new born baby. Photo/Thinkstock

Kids love hearing stories about when they were born.

My 10-year-old's favourite is the toenail story.

The day after her birth in Auckland Hospital, as she slept I painted my toenails.

The hospital midwife scolded: "You're a mother now, no time for that."

She had given me a pamphlet on breastfeeding to read while my daughter slept. I used it to balance my feet on to stop the polish smudging.

The message I took from her, just a few hours into my new status as a mum, was that doing anything for oneself from then on until one's children leave home would be selfish.

It's a message that is peppered through our health system, as well as in some coffee groups. It is often mothers who are the most critical of others.

This month Auckland socialite Aja Rock was under fire for posting a selfie of her washboard stomach tagged, "Time to claim my tummy back, #oneweekpostbaby".

Critics took to Facebook and Twitter with some accusing her of adding to pressure to look trim after birth.

Yesterday nutritionist Claire Turnbull waded into the debate telling the Herald on Sunday that, "New mums should be focused on nurturing their newborn, getting sleep and eating a good diet to help breastfeeding and recovery from birth."

This made me roll my eyes, just like I did at the anti-nail polish midwife.

Of course, these things are the most important.

But also if you want to put make-up on, have a long shower or show off your flat stomach if you have one, then you should be allowed to.

Part of recovering after birth is looking after yourself.

At this vulnerable time for mums when post-natal depression can set in, taking some time out from nappies is a good thing.

Or if you do want to slop around barefoot in your PJs that is fine, too.

Good on Aja for having such impressive abs after her third child. If I looked like her after my third then I would tell the world, too.

She didn't say everyone should look like this.

In my view some of her critics are just jealous.