Lisa Graves hold a photograph and the ashes of her son, Clayton Graves. Photo/ George Novak
"I love you to the moon and back."
That's the last text message Lisa Graves will ever receive from her son, Clayton Graves.
His words are engraved on the wooden wakahuia (treasure box) that contains the 29-year-old's ashes and sits surrounded by family photographs on her mantle.
On Wednesday, Lisa, 60, read those words back to her son as she addressed the High Court at Tauranga where Guy Appleton was jailed for Clayton's manslaughter.
The court was told Appleton and Clayton were intoxicated when they made the fateful decision to take Appleton's boat out fishing late in the night.
The trip ended in tragedy when Appleton, who had been speeding at more than four times the limit, crashed the boat on to Stoney Point, off Mauao, at 1.14am on October 5, 2019.
Clayton was thrown into a handrail and suffered massive internal injuries. He was found dead in the boat at nearby Pilot Bay in the morning.
Appleton had stayed with the boat but did not try to get help, telling one concerned passer-by Clayton was "fine" and "asleep".
By the time emergency services arrived sometime after 7.45am - alerted by the passer-by - they estimated Clayton had been dead between four and six hours.
Appleton's lawyer told the court his client had next to no memory of what happened after the crash. He said Appleton - injured, dazed, and not thinking logically - clearly had not understood the seriousness of Clayton's injuries.
Guy was sentenced to two years and seven months in prison for manslaughter, having caused Graves' death by failing to adhere to the provisions of the Maritime Transport Act.
In an interview with the Bay of Plenty Times before the sentencing, Lisa said she was haunted by the unanswered questions of that night, what might have happened if different decisions were made.
"I was robbed of saying goodbye to him and that will haunt me."
According to court documents, Clayton managed to get himself back in the boat after the crash. No one can say for sure how long he survived after that or what would have changed if medical help came sooner.
Lisa said she runs through the questions in her mind: How long was he alive? Was he cold? Was he suffering? What were his last thoughts? Could he have been saved?
"That's what is hardest to think, that he was alive after the crash. He was dead seven hours later ... Massive injuries, yes, but people have survived massive injuries."
"[If] he was taken to hospital and was in an ICU bed, I would have been able to go when I got back. I would have been able to go to my son, even if he was in a coma."
Lisa said Clayton, her only child, was born in Melbourne but she raised him by herself in Tauranga from the time he was 3 months old.
She fondly recalled her chubby baby - "he was called the Michelin tyre man" - but said he was a "difficult" child and had ADHD.
He went to St Mary's Catholic School then Aquinas College and Sacred Heart.
She settled back in Melbourne, but he decided to pursue a building career in Tauranga. He started his apprenticeship at a polytech before finding a job with a local building company.
He worked for the company for four years and had nearly finished his apprenticeship when he lost his job in a round of layoffs in February 2019.
"He just got depressed after that."
He found odd jobs and applied to an agency but buying tools was a steep financial hurdle.
She was planning a trip home for his 30th birthday in January when she last spoke to her son, the night before he died.
"It was the usual shit: Get a job, how's it going, I'll be home for your birthday, can [he] borrow some money."
The next morning, about 8.20am, she was at the doctor when she got the call from her brother Wayne, who Clayton had been living with in Pyes Pa. The police had knocked on his door.
"I thought it was Clayton, ringing on his uncle's phone. He said, 'Clayton's gone'. I said, 'gone where?' I thought he'd packed the shits and walked out of the house, because I was only just speaking to him."
She was distraught, but with the help of family and friends made it back to Tauranga by midnight.
After his funeral, she packed up her life in Australia and moved back to Tauranga to see the legal process through, though it meant taking a pay cut and starting over at age 60.
"I didn't want to leave Clayton."
She said navigating the system of police, coroners, lawyers and courts to find answers was "frustrating".
She admitted she was pushy with authorities at times. "Mothers do that, you know, you fight for what you can get, for justice for your son."
Then there were the reminders of the life Clayton was missing out on.
"For the last year, his friends and my nephews they're getting married, they're having babies. They're all turning 30 and that's their life."
"[Clayton] was my only child. I will never see him. I will never have grandchildren. It's hard."
Initially, she felt forgiveness towards Appleton, but this changed when she learned he had not sought help after the crash.
She said her son had a big smile and a good heart but he too made bad decisions the night of the crash.
"He was not an angel, he was not a saint by no means.
"It was difficult being the single mother of an ADHD kid. They don't seem to think of the consequences.
"All Clayton would have been thinking that night was 'let's go fishing'.
"But, hang on, Guy is 15 years older, it's his boat. It's a simple word: No. We're drunk, no we're not going. Sleep here and we'll take it out in the morning."
Lisa has called for changes to New Zealand's maritime laws to crack down on skippers who drink and drive on the water.
Scientists have estimated Appleton's blood-alcohol level was 110-220 milligrams per 100 millilitres at the time of the crash, according to court documents.
Had he been driving a vehicle on land, he would have been over the 50 milligram legal limit, but there is no prescribed limit for recreational boating in New Zealand.
According to Maritime New Zealand, the Maritime Transport Act prohibits "dangerous activity involving ships or maritime products" and can be used to prosecute intoxicated boat drivers.
"Under the Act, skippers are responsible for the safety and wellbeing of everyone on board, and should be capable of performing all tasks required of them. A skipper under the influence of alcohol or drugs cannot properly meet those responsibilities."
