The trouble was, that's all they did. The idea that these cards actually give you rewards of any significance whatsoever is, to me at least, a myth.
I simply don't believe that I will ever receive a free set of bath towels, a magazine subscription or any sort of kitchen appliance. Nor do I want to, and that is most likely the problem.
Like the name suggests, loyalty cards need loyalty to work.
While I can be persuaded to extend this in certain situations such as long-term relationships and lasting friendships, when it comes to the place I pump gas or buy my toilet paper, I just don't have the commitment required.
Despite the lure of getting two cents a litre off the price of my fuel, I simply cannot be persuaded to spend three cents a litre driving to the wrong side of town to cash in.
Not that I haven't tried. Before I became jaded and bitter about loyalty cards, I held on to them just like the rest of the great unwashed in the hope that at some indeterminate time in the future I would score myself a deal.
For months I would hang on to vouchers and cards convinced that I would get to use one and receive that groovy little buzz that comes from getting a wee bit of something for nothing.
My wallet became so stuffed with various incentives to shop that it resembled a contestant on The Biggest Loser after buying a size 10 dress but before losing the weight.
Inevitably despite this fat collection of coupons, it would be the one card I knew I had that would prove impossible to find when an opportunity finally came to honour it.
In a desperate bid to get 10 per cent off my flat white, I would hold up a long line of coffee addicts en route to work while I spilled the contents of my handbag on the counter in a bid to locate the elusive docket.
Alternatively, I would religiously present my card every time I made a purchase only to lose it right before I was due to collect my something for nothing.
Eventually I realised the trauma and disappointment was simply not worth the reward, even if it was a hair straightener given away "free" after several decades of spending way too much on my credit card.
Loyalty cards are all take and no give. They demand your loyalty at the price of your sanity. Then after a tense and protracted relationship that has most likely seen them fleece you of hundreds of dollars, they "reward" you with the crumbs from their table.
That we take delight in this simply shows how unbalanced the relationship has become.
So I say no. No to all of them. No even when the shop assistant stares open-mouthed at my flagrant disregard for the fact I could one day in the foggy future get a cup of coffee. For free. All $3.50 of it.
I have taken back the power, and by thumbing my nose at freebies, I have instead received an unjustified feeling of wealth. Fuel discounts? Pfff. I pay full price and I love it.
It's a feeling that's free, you don't even have to spend $50 in-store to get it.
