The Hits' Will Johnston's nephews Nico and Luca Freire. Look at the pure joy on Luca's face as he cracks in to that chocolate on Easter morning. Photo / Supplied
COMMENT:
Ladies and gentlemen… Allow me to present a list.
A list I never thought I'd be writing even a month ago and really just a weird list for this weird world we currently inhabit.
They're in no particular order, because, well, so is the world at this point.
Plus, oooooo do I loves me a list!
These are things I have seen and heard since Corona became so much more than a refreshing beverage best served with lime about an hour before one's radio show finishes on a Friday afternoon.
Don't you judge me! Here we go:
- Speaking of alcohol, the guy who runs the booze section at Pak'nSave openly laughing at me on air because I called him in a panic about the vicious and malicious rumour that one was limited to only FOUR bottles of wine per visit. It's a lie, go for it. You can take my freedom but you cannot take my wine!
- A lady in the supermarket in Tauranga preaching to the teenage boy checkout operator that she wishes she could get coronavirus and that we all could get it and then it would be "over and done with". And "I'd give it to you right now if I could" and "You're definitely going to get that virus so just accept it". What. An. Idiot.
- The Tiger King. Watch it. Immediately.
- The Medical Officer of Health for the BOP agreeing that I'd done a good thing for the nation by panic buying a puppy the day before lockdown. This is a huge stretch. He laughed when I told him and I've taken that to be his approval.
- People I've chatted to on air in China, New York, Washington, UK, Spain and Australia agreeing that NZ is literally the best country in the world to live in right now. If nothing else the Government is literally giving out money right now, like we really are leading this charge.
- New Zealand is occasionally dumb. People have literally called 111 and not the 105 non-emergency police number because they couldn't find the number '10' on their phone. True story. Heard that from a cop. Face palm.
- People have been busted on Tinder dates in the BOP during level 4 lockdown. I can't even.
- The BOP is full of small businesses that are exceptionally creative in a crisis. Plumbers who donate half their fee to Women's Refuge. Photographers who offer to take free pics the two days before lockdown for businesses that are doing something ingenious to stay afloat. Legends.
- Punch-ups in supermarkets over chicken thighs. People are stressed, it's kind of understandable.
- An 87-year-old woman ending up in A&E after riding a bike for the first time in decades wearing jandals and no helmet … And falling off. Eye roll.
- All parking fees put on hold in Tauranga. Hallelujah!
- Netflix is awesome. The Stranger is a must watch. It's so messed up!
- Twelve of my friends and I on a group video chat all with the pirate filter on and all crying with laughter. Men. We are children! But we're fine with that.
- Hundreds of thousands of bears in windows and backyard egg hunts (look at the pure joy on my nephew's face!) and a Prime Minister that has a direct connection with the Easter Bunny ... and the Tooth Fairy. Mental note: I need to have a chat with her if she has Santa's number. We all have a couple of requests, right?
Whatever your list is, the point is that nothing is beyond belief right now. It's kind of a crazy global study of what people's personalities are really like when everything is turned upside down.
It's weird, I never thought that in my lifetime I would experience something that really will be the definition of my generation and the history those who aren't born yet learn from.
I never knew staying at home could be such a monumental thing for the future history of the world.
Stay in your bubble. And stop fighting over chicken.
Audrey Wilson had repeated falls, a fractured arm and sepsis. She died in hospital.