That's how the director of Tauranga's iconic Anchor AIMS Games describes having to cancel this year's event because of the Covid-19 Delta outbreak.
Vicki Semple made her comments after it was announced the iconic week-long tournament, now in its 17th year and scheduled for September 4 to 10, hadbeen shelved for the second year running.
Semple said it was the hardest decision she and the trustees have had to make in the tournament's history.
This year, 351 schools had registered to compete in the games, including 93 schools from Auckland and 30 from the South Island.
There would have been 11,100 athletes competing in 23 sports, which is only 500 fewer athletes than at the Tokyo Olympic Games, Semple said. STORY CONTINUES AFTER LIVE BLOG
STORY CONTINUES She said it was a "massive blow".
"Making the decision has been heartbreaking, to be honest, and the last five days have been pretty challenging.
"However, in the end, the decision has been made for us. This Delta outbreak is incredibly serious and we totally support the prime minister and her government advisers for why we had to go into alert level 4 lockdown."
Semple said the safety and wellbeing of everyone involved were paramount.
"We wouldn't want to see their health compromised and if it was compromised in any way that would go directly against the very ethos of the AIMS Games."
Semple said one of the factors the trustees also took into account was Northland and South Island athletes would have had to travel through Auckland to get to Tauranga.
"We know how much the AIMS Games mean to all the athletes in particular and it will be devastating for each and every one of them.
"If you multiply that by the 11,100 athletes and add in the 351 school sports co-ordinators, and the 23 co-ordinators in each sport and all the spectators, and you truly start to get a sense of how devastating this decision is for everyone involved.
"I also feel absolutely gutted for all the accommodation providers and our local business community."
Semple said personally it had been one of the "hardest and most challenging years" organising the games around the Covid-19 restrictions.
However, she was confident the tournament still had a bright future with sponsors and schools already pledging their support for the 2022 AIMS Games.
"I just hope we can get the majority of the population vaccinated as soon as possible as that is the only way we can try and keep people safe from being exposed to this virus."
The AIMS Games is Tauranga's biggest calendar sporting event. It pumped $6.3 million into the local economy in 2019.
Tauranga Chamber of Commerce chief executive Matt Cowley said even if the city moved to alert level 2 by September 4, it would still be extremely difficult to operate the tournament with gatherings limited to 100 people.
"I fully support Vicki and the trustees making the right decision for athletes and the community, and there is considerable support behind them," he said.
Cowley said the cancellation was going to have a huge economic impact on local businesses especially those in the hospitality and tourism sectors.
"This includes all the moteliers whose motels would have been absolutely full.
"But it's not just in Tauranga. We know lots of athletes and their supporters stay in Rotorua, Whakatāne and even Coromandel and travel into Tauranga each day."
AIMS Games was bigger than the Black Caps games and Bay Dreams in terms of money injected into the local economy, he said.
In a written statement, The Tauranga City Council's Commission chairwoman, Anne Tolley, said the cancellation of the games for the second year running was a huge blow.
"It is a huge disappointment for the organisers, intermediate and middle schools across the country and for the thousands of young athletes who were looking forward to competing.
"Countless people have devoted so much time to prepare for this fantastic annual sporting event and to have it again fall victim to the Covid-19 pandemic is truly heart-wrenching for all involved.
"The games contribute significantly to the Bay of Plenty economy, so our thoughts are also with the many businesses affected by the cancellation.
"Tauranga City Council will continue to support the AIMS Games Trust through the 2021 cancellation process and are committed to working together to support the delivery of an amazing 2022 event in Tauranga Moana."
Otumoetai Intermediate principal and AIMS Games Trust chairman Henk Popping said going to alert level 4 indicated how serious the outbreak had to be taken.
"It is also a stark reminder that sport and recreation is a luxury - one that is incredibly important, of course, but it pales in comparison to the health concerns Covid-19 creates."