Annemarie Quill: Ladies, rewind and try to be kind

"Don't listen to words not meant for your ears as you will never hear any good" my old aunt used to say.

It is advice that some women could take given the huge reaction to broadcaster Rachel Smalley's comments this week when she called New Zealand women "heifers" and "lardos" while thinking her microphone was off.

Smalley made the comments after discussing research which revealed that a morning-after pill was ineffective for women over 70kg. Women took to social media and the airways in droves, berating Smalley. Some pointed out that weight alone is not a benchmark for health, that it depends on height, muscle mass, and general fitness. All of which is true.

What is out of proportion is the extent of the outburst over the comments. People called for her head. Some of the language and remarks about her far outweighed anything that she said.

The next day she tearfully apologised to those she had offended. Still this wasn't enough for some.

She didn't deserve such hate. Her remarks were not intended for public consumption. There are few people that can say they have never said anything mean. Secondly what was heard was out of context.

The way the haters take to social media against anyone that they disagree with is vile.

It is only six weeks since cyber-troll victim Charlotte Dawson was found dead in her Sydney apartment. Her death sparked vigorous debate about cyberbullying, which NetSafe executive director Martin Cocker says is getting worse in New Zealand.

Positively, the Government is proposing legislation to criminalise such behaviour. The proposed law, The Harmful Digital Communications Bill, introduced by Justice Minister Judith Collins, would make it easier for authorities to deal with cyber bullies.

Legislation aside, Dawson's death caused a wave of heightened awareness in which many people vouched to be kinder.

In just a few weeks this seems to be forgotten. Not just here in New Zealand.

Last week, movie star Gwyneth Paltrow sparked uproar among working mothers with comments about how hard it is to juggle motherhood with being an actor compared with women in an office job "because it's routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening ... I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as [difficult] - of course there are challenges - but it's not like being on set."

The online backlash was similar to the reaction to Smalley.

Bloomberg Businessweek called it Paltrow's "Marie Antoinette moment for the Sheryl Sandberg age."

An angry mother penned an open letter to the New York Post: "Dear Gwyneth ... As a mother of a toddler, I couldn't agree more. 'Thank God I don't make millions filming one movie per year' is what I say to myself pretty much every morning as I wait on a windy Metro-North platform, about to begin my 45-minute commute into the city. Whenever things get rough, all I have to do is keep reminding myself of that fact. It is my mantra."

Paltrow's comment was perhaps thoughtless. But like the reaction to Smalley's, people are being over sensitive.

I am a working mum but not offended at all by Paltrow. Yes, her job is different but she still has similar challenges. I could go to the gym more but I am not in the slightest bothered by what Smalley said. The words she used were inappropriate. But no one can deny there is a massive obesity problem in New Zealand. A recent international Oxfam report showed that ranked on obesity, only 13 countries out of 125 performed worse than us. New Zealand's obesity problem is worsening - with three in every 10 adults now regarded as obese.

More than 1.1 million adults are obese, according to the Ministry of Health's 2012/13 health survey. The adult obesity rate has risen to 31 per cent - up from 29 per cent a year ago. Childhood obesity is rocketing at alarming levels: the survey shows 11 per cent of children aged 2-14 years are obese. It is hard to swallow but many of us are fat and need to do something about it.

The outrage over Smalley and Paltrow also seems hypocritical. Much of the stuff I have heard and read far transcends any offence in their original comments. When you live life in the public eye everything is scrutinised. While most people will have had their own excruciating, "foot-in-the- mouth", regrettable, dumb, Marie Antoinette moments, most people do not have to wear them for the rest of their life like a hair shirt.

Did it take just six weeks for people to forget to be kind?