Oily Rag: A manifesto for the frugal

Don’t put in the recycling bin things you can use again yourself.

Hoardings have appeared in pastures like spring mushrooms. Spending promises and dirty politics fill the air, politicians are making their three-yearly visit to our door to say they are listening, instead of saying that we should listen - it must be election time.

Not to be denied a soapbox, the Oily Rag community has been out on the hustings, meeting and greeting in supermarket aisles, smiling much while saying little, seeing every infant with a runny nose as a photo opportunity rather than a health risk, and generally encouraging people to give that all-important tick of approval to the Oily Rag cause.

Our party message is "Happiness through frugality - a better way for New Zealand".

Our workers have even gone as far as publishing the "Living off the Smell of an Oily Rag Party Manifesto - what our country needs in these desperate and dirty times".

Before looking at some extracts from that policy document, here's a statement from our leader: "An Oily Rag lifestyle is what it means to be a Kiwi. It's about being a proud and happy husband, wife, partner, father, mother or caregiver so you can look forward to a secure and prosperous future for your children and their children and the children of others (if you don't happen to have any).

It's about having a warm house and a happy home, where you are the master of your money."

That's our vision for a nation of people united by a single cause: frugality. And that's why you should cast a vote for the Living off the Smell of an Oily Rag Party.

Here are some of our key election policies:

Workplace policy

*Packed lunches for everyone - it's guaranteed to save you lots of money.

GST on fruit and vegetables

*The Oily Rag Party believes families should not be paying GST on their vegetables because they should not be buying vegetables - they should be growing their own.

Why complain about the high price of tomatoes or spuds, parsnips or carrots, leeks or silverbeet when growing your own is so easy and much cheaper? "Every house is not a home without a garden," is what we say.

Recycling

We have a "Waste not, want not" policy, and that means anything that would usually go to the tip gets a second life. How many times have you heard an oily ragger say: "Thank goodness I did not toss that out". We have strong policies in this area and when the Oily Rag Party is elected to power on September 20 it will make it unlawful to throw out a piece of paper if one side is unused.

Transport policy

Reduce your speed and save money. Slowing from 110 kmph to 100 kmph will result in a 15 per cent fuel saving and you will avoid speeding tickets. Maniac-type driving not only costs money it aggravates everyone, endangers yourself, your passengers and other voters. Our other policy is to take the dog for a walk instead of a ride in the car.

The economy

*Use half as much and get the product for half price. This is an old oily rag saying.

*Any debt is a bad debt. It takes five minutes to get into debt and a lifetime to get out if it.

*Cheap is good but free is better.

*Working for a charity is better than not working at all.

KiwiSaver

*Every Kiwi should save - and could if they lived off the smell of an oily rag.

As Samuel Johnson said: "Without frugality, none can be rich, and with it very few would be poor."

The retirement age

Any age is a good age to retire and many could do so sooner if they lived like an oily ragger.

And now, a concluding remark from our leader: "Remember, your future is you. Be a proud oily rag Kiwi - vote for a better future by voting for the Oily Rag Party on Election Day!"

Don't forget, you can send your tips and join the Oily Rag mailing list by visiting www.oilyrag.co.nz - or you can write to us at Living Off the Smell of an Oily Rag, PO Box 984, Whangarei.

If you have a favourite recipe or oily rag tip that works well for your family, send it to us at www.oilyrag.co.nz, or by writing to Living off the Smell of an Oily Rag, PO Box 984, Whangarei, and we will relay it to the readers of this column.