Why Wonder Woman's behind bars

MARCH 8 was International Women's Day. I don't know about you, but I wondered where Wonder Woman was. Apparently, she is currently being held in custody on various charges. She has applied for name suppression because of the whole secret identity thing.

She had been worrying about the place of women in the world and decided it was time get back on to the street. The costume still fitted and, with practice, the flying would become less erratic. Out on her first mission, she saw a woman in distress. The woman was wearing a business suit. In one hand was a briefcase, in the other a baby, and the mother was crying. Wonder Woman landed beside her and asked her what was wrong.

"I am supposed to be multi-tasking," the woman sobbed. "Managing a company, caring for baby and now crying - it is all too much. I was told I could do it all and this would make me equal, but it was never clear what it made me equal to. If I stay at home with my child, I am given a hard time and told I should get a job, have a career, with a nanny to look after baby. I have tried. The final straw was my husband declaring that he considers his role to be more governance than operational."

Wonder Woman took the briefcase, put it on the ground and opened it. She took out all the papers and threw them in a rubbish bin. Wonder Women then lifted the baby from its mother's arms, wiped its face and placed it inside the briefcase.

"Tell your boss you are bringing baby to the office. Give your husband a cookbook and leave him to make dinner while you take a long, hot bath." The woman took the corner of Wonder Woman's cape and blew her nose loudly on it. "Thank you, Wonder Woman".

Later that night, she saw a group of young girls lurking on a street corner. They were drinking, texting and whistling at the men going past. Clearly, they needed assistance.

She looked around but could not find a handy phone box, so instead nipped down an alleyway. She took off her long trenchcoat, revealing her Wonder Woman outfit, and stepped out. "It's Lady Gaga," they shrieked. One of them passed out. Wonder Woman immediately checked the girl's pulse then turned to the others. "Do you know what you are doing? You are at risk of falling down and throwing up on your lovely shoes." They did not look worried. "Are you a social worker on the way to a fancy dress party?" "No," she said. "I am Wonder Woman and I am here to save you from danger."

Two of them searched Facebook with their smartphones while one of the others took pictures. "Right," said Wonder Woman, "I am taking you home to your parents". "Okay," they replied, "but there will be no one home. Our mothers all do office cleaning jobs to pay for all this stuff."

A policeman appeared. "Stop right there, lady. Why are talking to these young girls late at night and hanging out on street corners, dressed as a superhero?"

"I am Wonder Woman and these young women are in danger."

The policeman got out his notebook. "Name, address and date of birth, please". Wonder Woman flung back her cape and said "I am Wonder Woman. I cannot reveal my identity. As for date of birth, superheroes do not age - we mature."

The policeman snapped his notebook shut and took out his handcuffs. "Lady, it is 2am. You are standing on a street corner wearing hotpants, thigh boots and a cape and refusing to give your name and address. You're under arrest".

So now she is in jail, awaiting a court hearing. Why didn't she use her super powers to melt the handcuffs and escape, you ask. Because she believes women should be judged by their skills, not their appearance, and that everyone has a secret identity and can be a superhero in their own way.

Terry Sarten lives in Whanganui and is a husband, father, writer, social worker and musician. Email: tgs@inspire.net.nz