When kids need extra help

Liza Iliffe Photo/File

Parenting a child with a disability or health issue can be challenging as they need more support to do things.

Give lots of love, attention and consistent support to guide their behaviour. They may reach milestones later than other kids, and need extra help and time to learn things. And just like all kids they'll sometimes behave in ways that challenge and frustrate you. All children need lots of love and warmth, and limits and boundaries to guide their behaviour. Sometimes they also need extra help with some areas such as mobility, learning or sensory input.

Behaviour/discipline

Think about whether your child's behaviour is part of their natural development. Most children go through stages where they throw food, have tantrums, or say no to every instruction. Talk with other parents, you'll get lots of practical information and advice and you'll be able to think about the areas where your child might need some extra help.

Some children need help with learning and may develop behaviour that is a bit unusual. This doesn't necessarily mean that your child needs specialist intervention; it usually means your child does not understand what you are trying to tell them. It is likely that they are trying to tell you something with their behaviour.

They may not understand because they have trouble concentrating, they don't understand what you're saying or they forget what you have told them.

This may mean you have to show them what to do or that you have to use very clear instructions that have to be repeated lots of times.

Your child could also be trying to tell you they are really sensitive to hot and cold, find touching some textures really difficult or they don't know what to do when they are playing with other children. Sometimes they might just be hungry or tired.

Some tips and things to remember ...

Decide whether the behaviour is a big or small problem. Sometimes it's best to overlook some behaviour.

Be consistent, this is really important if your child has difficulty understanding instructions.

Be firm, without yelling.

Tell them when they are being good.

Don't try to discipline your child while they're having a tantrum. Make sure they're safe and keep an eye on them.

Give clear physical prompts. If they hit the cat, show them how to stroke gently and say "stroke the cat gently" not "be nice to the cat". You may need to show them many times, before they learn something new.

Have routines and structure so your child sleeps and eats at the same time each day.

If you're getting really angry, walk away and take some deep breaths.

Think about what their behaviour is telling you. Are they tired, frustrated, scared, sensitive to touch or a situation?

Encourage and guide your child to play with others, they'll learn lots.

Use lots of redirection; divert their attention to something else.

Give them choices between two things, rather than an open "what would you like to do".

Support for families

Life with a child with special needs can be very complicated. You may find you have lots of appointments, be dealing with stress or grief, or have extra tasks to do at home. Keep in touch with your friends, go to local support groups and keep your family in the loop. No one can parent on their own, and you need people you can talk to, who can support you, and who you can have fun with.

Your other children may also need support to understand what is happening. Try to spend time with them so they don't feel excluded.

There are lots of support groups for families, you can get more information on local groups from SKIP Whanganui, contact Lynette and Liza at SKIP Whanganui text or phone 027 626 1404, or 345 3008 or email skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz or visit our facebook page SKIPalongMum.