Whanganui woman Christina Nicol sets up support group open to all impacted by adoption

A support group has been set up for those impacted by adoption, fostering or whangai. Photo / FreePik

A Whanganui woman has set up a support group for people with a personal involvement in adoption, fostering or whangai.

Christina Nicol says her own personal journey made her realise there was a need for such a group.

"I have been through an adoption, search and reunion journey myself and want to provide mutual support with others, parents or children, who have been through similar experiences whether adoption, whangai or fostering."

Christina herself was adopted in 1975, as it was a closed adoption she knew nothing about her birth family until the law changed in 1988 enabling access to original birth certificates.

Christina had a great adopted family, she says, but she still wanted to know "my identity" by finding her birth relatives. When she was in her 20s, she began to find and connect with those missing pieces of her life, first reuniting with her birth mother, grandparents and siblings in the mid-1990s.

"Then in 2019, a DNA test I took helped me search across the globe to find my birth father."

Unfortunately, by that time he had passed away, she says, but she was able to connect with some siblings.

"I was 44 then, I am grateful for this outcome for knowing my identity, my families and the closure it gave me."

Her story can serve as a warning to others not to wait if they want to trace their birth families she says.

"For birth parents or children wanting to find each other please consider not leaving it too late as one day it may be too late."

Christina had a happy childhood with a great adopted family she says, but finding her birth parents was still important to her. Photo / supplied

Setting up the group is a way to help others as well as herself, she says, as it enables people to provide mutual support.

"Some people need support to process the emotions and issues that come from adoption. Such as loss of identity, estrangement from family, shame and the associated grief. It is a safe place to express negative emotions but it also aims to provide a balance of positive and negative information to help bring hope and healthy perspective."

The group is open to all who have a personal experience of adoption, whangai or fostering from any side of the process, she says.

"The hope is it will be a tool for people to find mutual understanding and healing through peer support. Topics also include children wanting to search for birth mothers or fathers, birth mothers or fathers wanting to search for children and those searching from DNA results (if no records are available) as well as international or intercultural adoption."

Adoption is less of a closed topic nowadays, says Christina, which is a positive change.

"Since the laws changed through the Adult Adoption Information Act 1998, many children have been able to reconnect with their birth families, alongside good relationships with their adopted families. With the TV programmes like Lost and Found more people are talking about and understanding adoption and the impact it can have on people's lives."

That impact isn't always positive unfortunately, she says, which is where support groups like the one she is setting up become even more important.

"Unfortunately, there are other sad stories where the outcomes have not been good for children with either family ... talking helps process the issues that are often ignored by society which enables people to heal. Expressing feelings and discussing issues helps adoptees or fostered children move forward, potentially having good relationships with both families or finding closure."

The group will also give support to birth parents who can often feel judged or criticised for their decision.

"It also helps birth parents to be understood and not judged for decisions they made due to the pressures of society at the time or personal circumstances, and offers them support in their journey of grief and loss.

"Society is now accepting towards a variety of family types such as solo parents, blended families, birth families, adopted families and foster families. For parents and children impacted by adoption, fostering or whangai it is a lifelong journey towards wholeness."

The group will begin online, says Christina, with in-person meet-ups planned for those who want to participate also planned.

"The group is new but as it grows and people are interested yes - hope to organise a meet up over summer, with the view to regular meetings in the future. The meetings will be held in Wanganui and all are welcome."

To find out more, contact Christina on 0276157609 or by email: christina_nicol@yahoo.com.