Having lost four straight, the home side is just the barebones of the squad who finished second on the table last year, as representative players Ethan Robinson, Joe Edwards and Cameron Davies were just the latest casualties watching from the sideline.
Recent returnees Jack van Bussel (leg) and Kohlt Coveny (shoulder) both had to come off, following on from regular lock now No8 Matt Ashworth aggravating his shoulder, while prop Faatuatua Ezra soon joined them and reserve flanker Cade Robinson only stayed on because there was no-one else.
It meant Golden Oldies scrums for the last 29 minutes, while even the Kaierau backs were screaming at their remaining forwards to just take the tap for penalties because "we don't have a lineout".
Ultimately, both sides kept their plays simple - one by choice, the other by necessity - and that was tailor-made for Taihape with the Hay-Horton's – Hadlee, Slade and then PT – holding sway, while try scoring hooker Dylan Gallien was in his element with no-one to oppose him.
Veteran Tremaine Gilbert looks to be getting back to full strength with an early try and solid effort on the blindside flank, while winger Ryan Karatau was a real handful with every touch of the ball.
The only slight concern was inspirational captain Matt Brown limping off in the fourth quarter, in a substitution coach Tom Wells described as "tactical".
"It was a bloody high standard of footy though, bloody fast. That first 40, it seemed rapid to watch, side to side," said Wells.
"It was a good win, actually, they played well, and probably the best thing was [Kaierau] threw everything at us the last 20 minutes, and we managed to hold them out.
"Everyone came out of that game [ok], maybe Jaye Flaws [ice on ankle] - but a semifinal, if they've got two legs, I think they'll be available."
Wells has guided his side to only their second Memorial Park playoff, the first since 2016.
"It will be good to be home in front of the home crowd. I think we got a bit of momentum now, especially after tipping Border up in front of them a few weeks ago.
"It will be a full house there; everyone will be pretty pumped in Taihape."
Carl Gibson had been desperately trying to think on the fly in the third quarter as more-and-more injured players came to the sideline.
"Halftime was a bit of a shock because I lost both hookers, and obviously Matty's shoulder wasn't right either.
"It's just tricky, it's just a challenge, but that's rugby I suppose.
"We've just this injury cloud hanging over us we just can't shake loose. Hopefully we'll get some guys back next week."
It was a "Dad's Army" reunion in the halves, as without Davies, Ethan Robinson or Ezra Malo, Gibson brought Ace Malo into first-five and joining him was 30-plus capped Steelform Wanganui halfback Josh Edwards - puffing after last playing Premier back in 2015.
"We showed some good things today, but just with guys playing out of position, you know, and missing a couple of key guys, it was tough," said Gibson.
"When you're asking at halftime, 'who can throw the ball in?' it's not ideal.
"But [Taihape] are a good side, you can't take that away from them. Very good, physical side that take their opportunities.
"I was impressed with our backline today - that was a makeshift backline that we haven't put on before.
"It was a step up from last week, so if that's the backline we have to roll with next week, I'll be more than comfortable."
Again, Gibson had to single out the team's Atlas in lock Josh Lane, who took over not only the captaincy but did his best John Eales impression with a 40m penalty goal in the 18th minute.
"He's our goal kicker, and we're not taking the piss here, he can kick goals. In a semifinal, I'll trust him as much as I trust anyone."
Taihape 24 (T Gilbert, J Barrett, L Shanks, D Gallien tries; L Whale 2 con) bt Kaierau 3 (J Lane pen). HT: 12-3.
