Uses for the fruit flies

John Watson

It is magnificent now in England ...

Occasional showers interrupt the hot weather and keep the atmosphere fresh. The rivers are still full following the wet winter and, if you drive out of London, the countryside looks as lush and green as if it had been painted by Constable.

Wimbledon has just begun. Henley Royal Regatta is upon us. The test matches against India are about to start. Why go to France? Why leave for the Mediterranean if you live in an eden such as this?

Actually it isn't just the locals who feel the allure of the early English summer. On the cosmopolitan streets of London you will hear a babel of languages - French, Italian, Turkish, Indian, Russian, Chinese, Australian and Arabic - as those less fortunate in their home countries come to join us for their holidays.

It is a pleasure to see them, too, enjoying a drink in our pubs, viewing our monuments, filling our theatres, spending in our shops and hotels and generally enjoying the pleasures their homelands do not provide.

Unfortunately, there are also less welcome visitors in the shape of moths and fruit flies.

European Union rules restricting insecticides have encouraged the former. Perhaps they all wear plastic suits in Brussels or perhaps the EU gravy train runs so deep that its officials can afford to buy a new suit each week. The fruit flies are encouraged by, well, er ... fruit.

There are a number of ways of combating them - the best is to leave a small bowl full of rather overripe berries on the kitchen table, almost but not entirely covered by plastic wrap. The flies get in there after the fruit but, like lobsters in a lobster pot, are less good at getting out.

Apply the thumbs to the plastic wrap and they can be squished into the berries at will. That reduces the number of fruit flies and also allows you to satisfy any murderous tendencies you may have without damaging your fellow human beings.

I came down to breakfast a couple of days ago and started scavenging in the fridge. There wasn't much there apart from yogurt and I looked around for something to eat with it. My eye fell on a bowl of fruit on the bench and, fruit flies being small, I didn't realise why it had been left there. On with the yoghurt and a sweet but slightly crunchy breakfast cereal had been created. Delicious!

Later, I discovered my mistake and was slightly taken aback. As far as I am aware, none of the great chefs list fruit flies as an ingredient in his or her dishes but, then again, why not?

They have a high level of protein and, if they are nature's scavengers, so too are shrimps and prawns. The only real difference is that one generally eats fruit flies uncooked.

The papers are full of articles about the low quality of the diet consumed by English schoolchildren - too much bread and not enough protein, they say. Well, I am going to write to the Education Secretary to tell him how to fix that one - and, if the exam results improve due to better nourishment, I will ask him for a fee.

Before retiring, John Watson was a partner in an international law firm. He now writes from Islington, London.