TV Review: The Real Housewives of Melbourne

Gamble Breaux of The Real Housewives of Melbourne television series.Photo/Supplied

I've had a few once-over-lightly watches of Bravo TV's Real Housewives series, which have always left me heaving and wretched.

But this week the latest series on Tuesday of The Real Housewives of Melbourne had me cheering heartily.

You see I have often felt like either choking one or two of those socialite women, or to be perfectly ill tempered about it, I have wanted to smash them in the teeth.

I was rewarded this week when flitty, glitzy, skin and bone Gamble Breaux labelled a media whore was wearing a frock that looked liked one of my grandmother's old doilies with bits cut out, to the red carpet event of the Aussi Logie Awards.

As luck would have it (I am still sniggering) a reporter pushed through to Gamble with microphone thrust out and Gamble in her spindle-shanked haste rushed forward hitting the mike and smashing her front teeth.

I know one shouldn't gloat but I practically levitated in my gloating state.

Of course the other gals rushed (well, moved slowly in their skin tight frocks) gathering around poor Gamble who at this point had her top lip pulled down like you see elderly folk do when they're trying to keep up appearances in their rest homes or at a family function.

To use an American expression I thought "hot damn''.

You really couldn't have even scripted that - no how baby.

But I need to give it to Gamble, she didn't rush away sobbing.

No way.

And as usual per horrendous scripting there were vignettes of the other gals living their everyday lives.

A rider here:
Everyday means togged up in a posh frock and bursting with jewellery.

So we see Gina walking her doggies.

Maybe that should read teetering her canines along because her killer heels were lethal towering spikes.

Beware little doggies don't get under mumma's feet!

Then lovely fashionista Gina throws a dinner party but does not invite the hapless Gamble because she's fed up at Gamble's lack of girlie support over the past few months.

The dinner party progresses but is interrupted when a box of 12 red roses is delivered to Gina from Gamble who says she is so sorry she wasn't invited but "have a lovely time" anyway.

Well may the saints preserve us.

This programme is not recommended to anyone over 12.