NB: The following owes much to The King's Breakfast a wonderful poem by AA Milne.
The Prime Minister asked the Finance Minister
"Could we have some cost savings in our Public Service?"
The Finance Minister said certainly and went to tell the Cabinet.
Cabinet knew there were things that they could do
Like axing their Parliamentary perks but no they said
Let's ask Treasury for their view
The Minister went to see the Treasury bunch
Can you tell us how we can cut the cost of government?
"Certainly" said Treasury who contracted a consulting firm
And then went out for lunch.
The consultants' firm went to their accountants
To asked what they should charge;
The accountants got busy and worked out a plan
Of how many millions could be made before the proverbial hit the fan.
The accountants said: "There is money to be made in cutting costs
Advise ministries to fire half their staff and hire consultants instead."
The firm told their consultants to take Treasury out to lunch,
The consultants told the Treasury that it could be done:
Fire half your staff and hired a bunch of consultants in their stead.
"No, no," said the Treasury, that is not the way to start,
We could advise a cut in MP's perks but we are way too smart
Treasury went back to the Minister and told him
Cut costs by firing staff and hiring consultants to do the work instead
The Minister went back to Cabinet - he cleared his throat and said,
"Talking of cost-cutting measures - most prefer consultants to do the work instead"
The Cabinet shuffled their papers and nodded, "We agree -
Go tell the Prime Minister we like consultancy.
The Finance Minister went to tell the Prime Minister
"It seems we all agree
When cutting costs we prefer consultant fees"
The Prime Minister said: "Bother."
The Prime Minister said: "Oh, deary me,
If taxpayers find out the full amount
it will be the end for me."
"There, there," said the Finance Minister
And went to tell the Treasury.
The Treasury said, "There, there," and looked at the billed amounts.
"There, there," said the consultant to the people in accountants.
The consultants told the Treasury,
"It is your job to explain"
The Treasury told the Cabinet
And the Cabinet told the Finance Minister
Who went to tell the Prime Minister
"We have cut costs, by demolishing jobs
And spend the savings on consultant fees"
The Prime Minister stopped smiling and said:
"Nobody could call me a fussy man,
The money we had hoped to save appears to be all gone
but
I do like to work with people who know which side their bread is buttered on."
Figures released by Treasury show 35 government agencies have spent $189 million on consultants in the 2010 financial year. This is up 8.4per cent on the previous year. It is becoming apparent that the so-called savings from cutting staff numbers is being recycled to fund consultants hired to manage the resulting pressure on public sector workloads.
The major big spenders have been Housing NZ, the Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries and, most startling of all, Treasury. Its spending has risen from $5 million to $8 million last year. Clearly, this is a case of "do what we say, not what we do" when it comes to cutting costs in the public sector. They certainly know which side their bread is buttered on.
Terry Sarten is a big AA Milne fan. Email: tgs@inspire.net.nz
As the crowd chanted, Seymour walked back into the Beehive with his MPs.