The time has come to ride off into the sunset - Kevin Page

I’m delighted to say we’re off on an adventure of a lifetime Photo / 123rf

OPINION

Kevin Page is a teller of tall tales with a firm belief that laughter helps avoid frown lines. Page has been a journalist for many years and has been writing a column since 2017.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote of my plans to leave it all behind and drive off into the sunset with Mrs P.

Early retirement beckoned, sort of out of the blue, and we were grabbing it with both hands.

Well, Dear Reader, I’m delighted to say I’ve done it.

As of last Thursday I handed back my hi-viz orange vest, vehicle and leftover $10 discount voucher my company dished out to staff at Christmas for a Chinese smorgasbord restaurant and headed out into a scary new world.

Of course, it’s not really scary and not really new.

For me the only bit that’s scary is for the first time in 44 years I will not be receiving a weekly pay packet.

The fact I just mentioned a “pay packet” when everything, even your salary, is sorted online, should reinforce how long I’ve been in the workforce.

A quick aside here, just talking of those little brown pay packets reminded me of when I was a newcomer to the workforce and our pay was literally dished out by a little lady who would go to the bank the afternoon before pay day and walk back down the street to the office with a big bag full of cash.

She would then stick it in the work safe ready to be handed out the next morning. She had done it this way for something like 20 odd years.

Naturally, wrongdoers got wind of the regular activity and plotted a robbery. However, they decided against initiating the ghastly deed upon the defenceless office lady as she wandered down the street. They simply broke into the office one night and robbed the safe.

Law enforcement on the scene early next day were quickly able to deduce how the thieves did that. Behind this woman’s desk was a big old Milo tin lid with a key attached. Written on the lid for all to see was the word “Safe”.

But I digress.

So, I’ve pulled the pin and stopped work. The only money I’ll have coming in is the $3.50 I get each week for this column. Thank God for the McDonald’s vouchers!

Luckily we’ve got a bit saved up and Mrs P has steadily been selling all sorts of items online so that’ll help.

The last week has seen us filling up a storage unit, unpacking it, repacking it and then unpacking it again when Mrs P decided she needed a pair of shoes out of the first box we put in.

We, by which I mean, our marriage, survived that test - just - but it was more touch and go when it came to taking the caravan out for a test drive and then reversing it back on to our front lawn.

I won’t bore you with the exact details other than to say if anyone is looking for a little business with dual income streams centring around transport and relationship assistance, reversing a caravan for a husband and wife in need can save them a whole lot of stress and drama.

Just saying.

Anyway.

So, we’ve ticked off a load of stuff from our to do list and made it this far with just one hiccup.

I had a meeting with our accountant, just to make sure we had all the financials in place while we were away, and while he loves the idea of a free and easy life on the road - I mean who wouldn’t - he says the taxman might have a different view.

It seems our carefully put together investment portfolio – I like calling it a “portfolio” because to me it sound like I know what I’m doing. I think. - might mean we have a tax bill to pay.

Now I don’t know about you Dear Reader but I don’t mind paying my share. Never have. But when it comes to me still having to do that when I’m not earning good coin each week I’m, well, a bit peeved to be honest.

The accountant did explain it to me and okay, it did seem quite plausible and correct but he lost me about the time he started explaining tax rates, resident withholding and provisional tax.

The upshot of all this is that my “early retirement” might end up more being a year and a bit out of the workforce followed by a reassessment.

Bugger.

Oh well. No sense in crying over spilt milk is there?

Luckily, we’ve been working on a bit of a money-making project for a few years now – getting it all set up so that one day, if we wanted, we could launch it.

Now we’ve decided, after a few months R and R at least, we’ll be taking it on the road and try it out. It’s called Telltale.

Again, I won’t bore you with all the details but there will be advertising to follow, hopefully soon, in this very newspaper. And I’m certain you’ll be hearing about some of the trials and tribulations (and the characters) involved in us setting it up and getting it this far.

I can tell you sometimes boyish good looks and natural charm are not enough and in the business world you have to be serious. I hate that. It makes my face ache.

For starters Telltale is not new. The concept has been around a while. Just how we plan to do it is may be a bit different. I’ll explain that part of it some other time.

In a nutshell the thing is about helping people put together their life stories as a gift just for family and friends at a price which works for them and puts some diesel in the tank of my tow vehicle as against pushing them into bankruptcy And if there’s a choccy biscuit and a cuppa on offer while we are chatting then life will be all the more merrier I’m sure.

But for now we are focusing on our departure date.

It’s Thursday. 10am. That’s when the adventure of a lifetime starts and we hit the road.

Well, more the driveway to be honest.

The driveway of the motor camp just up the road from our place that is. The one we’ll be staying a month while we learn how the caravan works.

And I’ll probably see if I can get someone else to reverse it into position for me.

Just to be on the safe side.