The Monday Q&A: Whanganui funeral director Colin McGrail

Colin McGrail is one of the funeral directors at Dempsey & Forrest. Photo / Emma Bernard

Colin McGrail is a funeral director at the funeral home Dempsey & Forrest.

McGrail talks to Emma Bernard about mortality, customer service and standing in the ocean.

What is a common misconception about funeral directing and funeral homes?

Obviously, we're dealing with a sensitive time in people's lives, but we like to celebrate the life of people more than focus on the fact that they're gone.

It's kind of like that saying 'don't cry because they're gone, smile because they ever were'.

That's kind of how we look at it. We try to make what's a pretty difficult time just a little easier to cope with.

How did you get into funeral directing?

By a bit of a roundabout route, I suppose. I worked for Air New Zealand for 36 years selling travel. I managed the local travel centre.

Air New Zealand used to have a chain of stores around the country so I managed the Whanganui one.

I'd been asked to do a service a few years ago for a granddaughter of a cousin, and it's not something you can really say no to.

After that, James here asked if I would be interested in taking other services. I was still working full-time so it was a little bit harder to do.

Once I finished with Air New Zealand I did about 55 in the first year after that. Then a full-time job came up and I just accepted the offer. That's kind of how it worked.

How do you keep up morale while working with such heavy times every day?

We get a great deal of satisfaction out of making things work well and easier for families during these tough times.

We work to take away the tasks that would add extra pressure on them.

Things like organising the funeral service itself, finding someone to lead the service. Trying to meet the wishes of what the family wants.

There are no rules, really, so we just try and do as much as we can. It's very similar to my job in travel, and it's all about customer service.

At the end of the day, we strive to give the customers what they want and need in order to give a great farewell to their loved one.

If you weren't a funeral director, what would you want to be?

Golly. I wouldn't mind being a tour bus driver, to be honest. I've got a bus and passenger licence.

It's the same thing, I guess, with customer service. That's how I look at it. I enjoy working with people, I'm a bit of a gasbag and it kind of rolls like that.

I used to do driving for youth groups and community groups, so I just decided to get it then.

Does working at a funeral home make you think about your own funeral and mortality?

I guess we all dwell on our own mortality from time to time. It's not something I spend a lot of time thinking about.

I lost my dad when I was only eight, which I guess exposed me to it at quite an early age. I guess I'd want something quite simple, really.

But at the end of the day, it's up to those that are left behind. They have to make those decisions and I guess it's up to each of us to have a chat with them and make sure they're aware.

Don't treat it like a big hole and walk around it - you've sometimes got to talk about these things so that they know what you want, and honour your wishes when the time comes.

Does working with funerals everyday give you another perspective on life and mortality?

I guess it does make you sit up and think about the decisions you make.

I'm thinking more specifically about people who die in accidents.

I guess it makes you consider your own driving skills. I might have been prone to driving a little fast when I was younger, I'm a little more circumspect now. I've seen what that lump of metal can do to somebody.

What's your favourite thing to do in Whanganui?

I like to go out to Kai Iwi beach, that would be my go-to. There's something quite cathartic about standing in the surf and looking out to sea.

I don't swim, but I'll wander out to the surf up to about my knees and just enjoy that. I like it. And I like Bushy Park, I've always been a fan of birdlife.

What's your favourite thing about being a funeral director?

Helping people. All my jobs have had me tied up with people, I've worked in customer service roles pretty much since I left school, and I get quite a buzz out of seeing something go right and then having the family come back to us afterwards and say 'hey, thank you very much, that went great'.

If you could have three people over for dinner, who would they be?

I'm a bit of a monarchist so I'd probably invite King George VI.

I admired the way he took on the role that was kind of thrust at him. Because his brother decided to abdicate, he was in no way ready but he did an absolutely fantastic job, I think. Another one would be Winston Churchill, I always found him quite fascinating.

The other one would probably be the Apostle Paul from the bible. It would be a hectic dinner, a few debates, I'm sure.

What do you believe happens after you die?

Well, I'm a Christian myself, so I believe there is something afterwards.

I don't believe we're just here for a moment and then gone. I believe there is an afterlife and that we get to go where we get to go.