This was 10 weeks after we first started to attack her personal debt.
I have had personal debt - I'm talking credit cards, personal loans and money owed to family and friends. I know what it felt like having this form of debt, but I was interested in what it felt like for Toni, so I asked her: "What did it feel like when you didn't have a plan around your debt?"
"It's like treading water - everything looks great on the outside, but on the inside I didn't know what to do. I was always thinking that 'I'll get rid of this debt', but it only ever stayed the same or increased. It was so demoralising."
"And how did this process feel, halving your debt?" I asked.
"Bloody rubbish, hard work, emotionally taxing and challenging," she said.
During a 10-week period Toni had shouted at me, questioned my pedigree and wondered out loud why she was doing this. But I knew in that text and that moment she wouldn't change it for the world. Her world had changed.
I believe that money is the topic that has the most emotion in it, especially in our relationships with loved ones. Often we never talk about it while we're growing up and we don't get taught the skills.
We get that first job, and the first pay cheque gives us the freedom to "learn". Often we learn the hard way - I know I did - and often we don't like to admit our failures to anyone.
By not admitting my failures, I took a lot longer to learn than I needed to. I didn't want to look like a goose and - guess what - I stopped talking about money failures with my ex-wife so we'd stop fighting over it - but that didn't work. By this time I thought all I did with money was fail, because I had personal debt and she didn't.
What this did was stop me dreaming, it stopped me sharing my dreams with my loved ones and pursuing those dreams that, as a kid, I had pursued with reckless abandon.
As with Toni, everything looked great on the outside, but on the inside I was thinking, 'Phew, this isn't fun'.
Toni has halved her debt, which is great, but it's the learning she got from this process that allows her to pursue her dreams now. These learnings include how to set a goal and achieve it, how to change her beliefs, knowing she is not alone with her experiences and, most importantly, it is okay to share the tough stuff with her loved ones. You see, Toni is my sister and we didn't really have good conversations until we started to talk about money 12 weeks ago. Because if you can't help family, who can you help? Pursuing our individual dreams is something we can both do now.
It is the tools and ideas I learned to have better money conversations that I want to share with you through 2016. Because when you have the space to dream, you also have the space to be happy. Toni's "I'm debt-free" scream is scheduled for August... when is yours?
¦If you are interested in finding out more, there are free workshops tomorrow and Thursday at Mischief Cafe in Guyton St, starting at 6pm. Just text Scott on 027 236 7729 if you would like to attend and I'll give you a call.
-Scott Lee is former ANZ bank regional manager for Whanganui.
