The Happiness Journey: Love means sharing your financial status

IMAGINE this. You have just met Mr/Ms Right ... it's great fun being with them, you laugh, you cry, you feel passion and passionate. You're falling in love with them.

This is it. You could see yourself with this person for the rest of your life. When love comes along, it feels great. But when is the right time to ask: "What do you do with your money?"

Most people tell me something like: "Not today ... It's such a personal question, I'm not asking it."

"I don't know if now is the right time and, besides, it's not my place to know. I mean, we've only shared half-a-dozen meals, taken our clothes off in front of each other, got biblical and watched a movie or two.

"I don't even know if this is going anywhere ... do I want this to go anywhere? No, it's definitely not the right time, so I don't need to ask that."

These are the typical responses, and it's different for everyone, because we have our own beliefs and our own thoughts about money and dating.

What happens if we ask this dreaded question?

We think we might be rejected or we might find out something we don't want to know, such as their personal debt is bigger than mine. It doesn't feel good, right?

Neither does finding out that you have a sexually transmitted debt six months into a relationship. I had to disclose an STD to my ex-wife and it was not an enjoyable experience.

What I have found is it takes time to get on the same page about money. So the sooner you start talking about it in a relationship, the less time you spend thinking about all the bad stuff that can happen if the conversation doesn't work.

This thinking can stop us talking about money and can take us away from our goals of spending the rest of our lives with this person, sharing our time, families, children and passions. It can take us away from the very thing we are trying to move towards - love.

So here are some ideas for you to think about before your next dating scenario.

-Disagreeing about money and what you do with it will happen in relationships. This is normal and once you know there is a problem, you can both work together to create solutions.

-When you talk about money together you no longer need to make assumptions about what the other person is thinking, because you know and can choose what to do with that. Acknowledge how they feel, let them know you want to work with them and create outcomes you both can live with.

-Money is linked to almost everything we do, so having a plan around money makes life simpler. Life is busy enough as it is without making decisions on the fly about what we are doing with our money.

Ever wondered why there is more week at the end of your money than money at the end of your week? It's often the outcome of no plan. When we talk about money we can create a plan.

Some of us will ask about the other person's financial position immediately after we start dating; some will never ask. But successful money conversations will give you the freedom to dream and live your life the way it was meant to be lived, with love in your heart and freedom to speak your truth.

As Dr Seuss said: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."

-Scott Lee is a former ANZ bank regional manager for Whanganui. He is available to discuss anything about love and money on 027 236 7729 or email scott@loveandmoneynetwork. com.