"Orange juice, right? Not apple juice, not cranberry juice... orange juice.
"So if we get orange juice from an orange when it gets squeezed, what happens to us when we get squeezed? What comes out of us?"
When I first heard it I thought: "Phew, what does come out of me when I get squeezed?" Love? Anger? Peace? Resentment? I didn't want to think about the bad scenarios, but I was fine with the good ones.
So, imagine this... my girlfriend (who became my ex-wife) asked me what did I do with my money. In my mind I was thinking: "What do I do? I don't want to discuss this."
But instead of saying that, what I was thinking in that moment drove what I felt (frustrated) and I reacted, with "orange juice" oozing from my mouth.
When I was being squeezed by this question, I didn't know I had a choice. My ex had feelings and I ignored them. I could react to what she was saying or I could look beyond her words to how she might be feeling.
We were giving each other information, both in her question and in my reaction.
The information I was giving was "this is important to me", "this is a tough topic for me to talk about" or "I don't know why I don't like this and don't know how to express it any other way, can you help?"
In the two years I have studied Wayne's teachings, I have learned new skills to deal with these situations, whether I am the potential reactor or not.
Here's one idea for how to use the information.
If you want to help in a loved one's time of need, take a few deep breaths, think about your answer and say something like: "I can see this conversation is important to you, it's also important to me. Shall we take a few minutes out and come back to this conversation soon?"
When someone said this to me the first time, I thought: "No, I don't want a break from this, I want to finish the conversation/fight now. Because if I have to tell you what's on my mind, you might not love me any more, or my self-esteem and pride may be hurt and this seems like the best way to get out of this situation?"
After a few times of taking a few minutes out, it started to work and I could return to the conversation more relaxed.
If the other person wants to carry on talking, try telling them: "Our relationship is more important than having a fight."
It is useful. It doesn't necessarily make the topic easier to discuss, but walking away from the topic for a few minutes, knowing the other person loves you, is strengthening.
I can recognise when my orange is being squeezed at times, but sometimes it's after the fact. I have learned to be gentle with myself when working through this recognition stage. Having someone hold the space and help me is very empowering, and I can now do this for others, which is also a great feeling.
If you choose to work on how you are when you get squeezed, be gentle with yourself. It takes time to change habits. Love and support yourself through this process.
If you're helping someone else, the same rules apply, be gentle with them and yourself. Talk to your loved ones and ask for their help in these times, it can help with their recognition.
Trying new things is great for our wellbeing, and this helped me a lot - I hope it helps you, too.
Good luck.
-If you want to attend the next Love and Money workshop series from March 15 and 16, call, text me on 027 236 7729 or email scott@loveandmoneynetwork.com
