Terry Sarten: Words against violence

The annual White Ribbon march raises awareness to end men's violence towards women. Photo / File

COMMENT

Any words written about violence against women and children are very unlikely to be read by those who instigate such violence.

If you are one of those people, words are part of the weapons of choice. Words used as a warning, words to humiliate, words to intimidate, words that wound and hurt in unseen ways. Physical violence can be threatened by words or used to deny responsibility. Words can be used to blame violence on all kinds of excuses and avoid responsibility.

So, using words to persuade those who use violence against women and children to change their behaviour is probably a waste of time. It requires more than that. There is a need for men to walk the walk and call out behaviours that diminish women and threaten children. We wear our White Ribbon to show we stand against violence to women and children but that is a gesture, not an action. It is a way to declare an intention but it is a beginning, not an answer.

I will be there in the street and at my work wearing a White Ribbon, hoping that the symbolism can be translated into a challenge that men and boys can act with confidence because they have a personal stake in reducing violence in their communities.

It is in the interest of men and boys to challenge violence in all its forms. Males are the targets of violence from other males. Women and children are the targets of violence perpetrated by males.

Violence affects entire communities and we all have a stake in changing this. A child living with and witnessing violence will carry that with them into their future. No child deserves this burden. This is not necessarily linked to poverty. There are many low-income struggling households that are free of violence. Poverty can add to the risk equation but violence is an equal opportunity behaviour that knows no borders. It crosses all sections of the community. Wealth can provide some camouflage. The ability to hid behind expensive legal advice is a luxury not all can afford.

It is the adults, the grown-ups, that need to grow up and move beyond violence and it is the task of all of us, and particularly men, to talk the talk whenever violence is seen in their peer group and make it clear that being a man is to be bigger than that and walk the walk by rejecting violence wherever it is evident. The White Ribbon symbol is just that – a symbol. It is our actions that will define its meaning.

Through a wide variety of mediums, there is a normalisation of aggression as a male behaviour that knows no borders. Rugby is being dented by the emphasis on bigger hits that verge on assault. There is a growing awareness that the level of aggression on display would be considered violence off the field. This is but one piece of the picture that is constantly being reframed.

The social environment is working hard to change the gendered notion of roles and, for some men, this has crossed a border into a foreign land where the old patriarchal assumptions no longer hold sway and threats and violence become the go-to tools in an attempt to take back control. Words alone will not change such behaviour.

There are still men who, on hearing the call to stop violence against women and children, mutter that "women are violent too", as if that exempts them from even thinking about what they might be able to do.

Responding by acknowledging that violence from anyone is not acceptable, and that change comes from challenging such behaviours, could provide a way to include even the doubters. Because we do need everyone from across all perspectives to take that challenge forward in their families, workplaces and communities.

* Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer, musician and social worker.