Terry Sarten: Truth v Lies, the big bash

Here we are at the championship bout between Truth and Lies.

In one corner of the ring, weighing in at a true 200lbs is Truth; in the other corner we have Lies (aka Alternative Facts), claiming to weigh in at 2000lbs with smaller hands but a longer reach.

Previously known as Outright Lies, the recent name change has caused confusion with some commentators thinking this was a new contender for the title.

This is a comeback of sorts for Lies following a serious injury to the ego caused by a new piece of equipment called a Fact Checker.

Despite this setback, Lies is once again fighting fit. This is largely due to the influence of a new coach who is no beginner - clearly not one of those charlatans touting an ability to commune with the dead in order to take money of sad and grieving folk, this is skilled false-hooding on a much bigger scale.

The new coach has been developing a talent for Effective Lying over a long time and is now considered a world-beating fabricator of blindingly obvious deceits.

This brings into play a new tactic, with Lies repeatedly hammering opponents with increasingly wild and outrageous assertions, that lack any resemblance to reality, until they give up.

Truth has been a fighter for centuries and understands very well the nature of this opponent. Truth brings a depth of experience gained in various arenas including politics, business, religion and is willing to take on whatever bias steps into the ring.

The fight between these two will decide the World Who-Will-Be-Right Championship determining the future for years to come.

On the right-hand side of the arena, the misogynists, white supremacists, rapacious corporates and religious extremists have taken over the front row of seats. In the next row the climate change deniers are sharing their hot chips with the anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists and water boarders. They clearly feel that Lies has this one in the bag.

On the left of the arena, various Truth supporters have taken their seats. There are women's rights groups, Muslim people, descendants of holocaust survivors, human rights lawyers, academics scientists, doctors and social workers.

They suddenly break out a Mexican wave which meets with a wall of hostility from across the aisle. The matter of which side has the biggest crowd is already being contested by the Lies camp.

The bell rings and the contestants come out of their respective corners.

Lies goes for a grab below the belt. Truth has seen this coming and responds with a feint then goes high where others go low.

Truth connects with a blow to the ego. Lies staggers back on the ropes and appeals to the referee with a claim that this was unfair.

The bout continues. Lies lands a few blows with contrived completely untrue stories that never ever happened and, for a few seconds, Truth seems to be stunned by the sheer magnitude of this attack and is unable to respond. Lies follows through with an even more outrageous move and Truth appears to be in trouble.

Truth, recognising the danger, shakes off the blows and steps forward landing a series of left japs to Lies factoids, leaving Lies lying on the mat.

The referee count him out. The beaten opponent limps to his corner shouting: "It's all Lies ... Truth hit me when I wasn't looking."

The bell rings and the crowd goes wild.

*Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer, musician, social worker and satirista - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz