Terry Sarten: Taking a cruise in a world affected by climate change

What might a cruise in a climate change-affected world be like? Photo/ File

Cruising across oceans or along Europe's mighty river seems to be a thing.

The ads are everywhere so perhaps there is room for another one.

How about Noah's Ark Cruises for animal lovers and climate change sceptics?

The banner line might read: "40 days and 40 nights on the water".

Bring two animals with you (discounts for rare and endangered species) and enjoy life on the flooded landscapes.

View the tops of buildings on drowned islands from the comfort of you cabin. Book now. Limited spaces. Due to dramatic changes in the world's climate the waters are rising fast.

Family cabins – these are on the top deck for those losing their homes to rising sea levels and will be shared with other climate refugees picked up along the way so they can experience sailing past places where they used to live and other passengers can hear their stories of home.

Business class is for industry leaders, especially those dealing in fossil fuels who have no idea of what it is like to lose your home to rising waters.

First class cabins, set low near the waterline will provide the best experience of seeing water lapping at your window and the potential for it to wash away your possessions while sipping tonics made with care using recycled carbon credits.

All passengers are required to bring two endangered species with them.

Preferably a male and female with 10 per cent off if accompanied by any baby offspring.

To qualify for this concession the pair must not comprise one that is likely to eat the other as Noah's Ark takes no responsibility for the sudden death of animals.

These cruises will feature ongoing debates between scientists and sceptics on a number of related topics such as vaccinations, flat-Earther theory and survival of the thickest.

Book now before the best cabins are snapped up by privileged wealthy owners of mining conglomerates and multinational CEOs wanting to relax and spent their multi-million pay cheques holidaying in the warming regions of the world's great oceans.

The Ark is specially designed to navigate through oceans of plastic, leaving only sludge in its wake.

There may be opportunities to observe fishing trawlers catching endangered fish, yellowed-eyed penguins, albatrosses and other seabirds in their nets and lines.

The route will include stopovers at various countries but will not be entering Australian waters to avoid passengers being arrested and sent to detention on an offshore island having been mistaken for asylum seekers or what the Australian government call Boat People.

For some reason, asylum seekers who arrive by plane in Australia are not called Plane People.

The Australian Government apparently do want some people they don't want (criminals) to be sent to NZ but not other people (refugees) they don't want to be sent to NZ because that would be sensible.

Is that hypocrisy or bigotry? Both words do have a 'why' at the end.

The Captain, Mr Noah– it-all, is an experienced sailor who understands the changes in the weather, rising sea levels and the risk of flooding.

He built the Ark prompted by something he read in a book.

Initially a climate change sceptic who lived in a beach-front house, he became aware that rather than wait and watch as the ocean came to his door and into his home, he would take to the water instead.

*Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer, satirist, musician and social worker by trade. Feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz