Terry Sarten: Song contest to lift election campaign

ON THAT NOTE: Peter Dunne rehearses <i>You're Never Alone With A Bowtie On</i>.

WITH the announcement of the New Zealand election date, the nation has suddenly been overcome with existential moodiness.

Applying the lead provided by Ministry of Justice staff lip-synching to Justin Timberlake's Can't Stop the Feeling, all political parties should be encouraged to have their own song and dance routine.

This might provide a much-needed "vibe" and boost morale as we psychologically prepare for a tidal wave of political grandstanding.

It could be like the Eurovision Song Contest which has voting plus outrageous costumes, plus dance routines, plus all the songs have naff lyrics that don't make sense - and yet it draws a viewing audience of millions.

To be sure, a major part of the attraction of Eurovision is that it is like watching wrestlers rolling in glitter while singing nonsense, but NZ elections could do with a bit of that.

NB: Does Brexit mean England can no longer be in the Eurovision Song Contest? New Zealand should immediately snap up the vacancy before anyone notices - think of the glitter-manufacturing opportunities.

Already the national mood has been battered by Winston Peters saying he finds the Trump response to immigration "compelling", reminding us he has been trumpeting the dangers of immigration forever. Like a stray cat, he returns to this theme whenever media attention wanes.

It is important to remind people that Winston's constituency is himself. He has done nothing useful for Northland despite the desperate social crises being experienced there. His NZ First campaign song could be I Hear You Knocking But You Can't Come In.

Andrew Little has already shot Labour in the foot with his ambivalence on tolerating Winston in any potential future coalition.

He should have dismissed any notion of Winston Peters being part of a future government after the "compelling" comment on Trump's approach to immigration.

He missed a valuable chance to demonstrate that principles rather than political expediency motivate Labour's election strategy, so their campaign tune should be a rousing version of Have A Little Faith In Me by John Hiatt, as sung by Mavis Staples.

For National, the world is suddenly a threatening dark seclusion room without "wave-and-smile" John Key to lead them into the light.

Those with good memories recall how Bill English was found to be claiming a taxpayer subsidy for a house he was not living in while Minister of Finance and entrusted with managing the country's budget. He said he was sorry and paid back money he was not entitled to, but nevertheless it was surprising he was not forced to resign.

Mind you, it seems ministers no longer think they should resign when things go wrong, preferring to pass the blame back to a departmental minion.

An ideal National Party campaign song would be Money, Money, Money, featuring a chorus line of chief executives and bankers kicking up their heels while families watch from the cars they are living in.

The Greens would have to have a recycled song that has been well-used already such as Joni Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi or perhaps, in consultation with the Maori Party, a shared karaoke version of Bob Marley's Redemption Song.

The new kid on the block, Gareth Morgan, would need something that speaks of an urgent need to take an opportunity with a song such as Beds Are Burning by Midnight Oil. I could see him lip-synching to that.

And I would be quite happy to write one for Peter Dunne called You're Never Alone With A Bowtie On.

-Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer/satirist, musician and social worker - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz