Terry Sarten: Never too late to stop family violence

THIS coming Wednesday will be White Ribbon Day when men respond to the challenge that is domestic violence.

The hurt, trauma and terror that is violence in the home to women and children is a big issue that requires big solutions. The all-too familiar headlines tell of the women and children killed but behind each of these tragedies there lie a thousand stories of families living with threats of verbal and physical abuse.

Recently, I attended a presentation in which the key revelation was that much of the responsibility for both the violence and the solution rests with men. The presenter sounded surprised and I was stunned. This fact has been evident for a long time as anyone who follows the history of family violence in New Zealand can attest but it came across as if this was some kind of astonishing, grand finding.

Just as some men, fired by rage, jealousy or a misconceived sense of entitlement, inflict violence on those around them, there are thousands of other males, of all ages, who do not. It is with them that the solution lies. They are the grandfathers, fathers, stepfathers, uncles, brothers, cousins, school and workmates who can influence both their peers and the younger generation to shun violence, and respect and care for the women and children in their families and communities.

In my working life, I have encountered many men who have grown up with violence and the effect on them has been either to repeat the same behaviours or to turn from violence in order to give their families the care and safety they did not have themselves in childhood.

One of my songs has the line, "It's never too late and it's never too soon" that describes the constant potential for hope and the creation of change that comes from acting when it is needed. It is never too late to intervene and stop the cycle of violence and it is never too soon to begin the process of social change that is needed to prevent the potential for violence to occur.

Many organisations and a range of government departments work incredibly hard to reduce the incidents and deal with the consequences of violence to woman and children. The effects on children that witness violence, whether it be verbal or physical, can be profound. The damage to a woman's sense of self, safety, health and wellbeing can be immense.

This year, a giant 18-metre long White Ribbon will be part of the Wanganui campaign. Made from old sheets donated by Allied Laundries (they do the laundry for MidCentral and Whanganui DHB) they were sewn together by a volunteer from Woman's Refuge. The White Ribbon will be carried in the march by men from a wide range of backgrounds to signal that family violence is a big issue that requires a collective solution. We hope you will be there to support the campaign because it is never too late and never too soon to prevent family violence.

-Terry Sarten is a writer, musician and social worker and supporter of the White Ribbon campaign - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz