Terry Sarten: It's about time blokes opened up

Just ask cancer survivor Jake Bailey.

New Zealand men still relate to the mythical notion of the strong, silent stoic bloke who never talks about how he feels.

The archetypal Kiwi male is fixed in the national psyche, like the equally mythical No8 wire skills. This leaves men stuck with old models of manhood that are no longer relevant and another completely useless attachment in the Swiss Army knife of life.

Machismo is like those gadgets that pocket knives used to have for getting boy scouts out of horse's hooves - no longer needed and just taking up room that could be better used for more practical things.

One of the under-utilised bits of gear for New Zealand men is the clever but low-tech attachment called talking. It is portable, has multiple applications, requires no assembly or batteries and can be repaired even when it appears to be completely broken.

The talking device comes with a manual that has been translated into a variety of languages, but this is often overlooked when assembling emotional equipment for boys. They build a motor but forget to put in the gearbox needed to manage shifts in attitude.

The standard talking kit comes with various interchangeable attachments that fit different situations. There is one for when a father and son are talking, another for when males are watching sport or playing loud guitar music and one for a friend or workmate who is a bit of a worry right now.

Talking can be plugged into any situation but is especially valuable when males of any age are struggling with life - for example, if a relationship is breaking down, then the talking gear can be very useful for clarifying what's going on underneath and limiting the damage.

Oddly enough, talking can also operate in silent mode, with just a few actual words and low key minimal head nodding.

Often described as being a "bloke thing", it may seem like very little is happening but it is all about checking in when someone is hitting a low patch.

Talking can make a difference between losing the plot and finding the way. Too many men are ending up in the count of suicide deaths. Talking can make a difference.

This is crucial for men's health as males tend to be very reluctant to go and see their GP, front up at health services or talk with their families or friends about what may be worrying them.

This reluctance to talk about concerns can be damaging to their physical and mental wellbeing.

Last Thursday, June 1, was the day of decision - To beard or not to beard, that was the question. I am now growing my whiskers as part of the Tane Hauora men's health month beard-growing competition.

Some of the blokes who rolled up to register at Mitre 10 had their beards shaved off on the day to ensure everyone entering was facing the starting line as equals.

The beards will be judged at the end of the month as part of a campaign to get men talking about their heath and about what matters to them.

This is but one of the 30 events brought together by the Whanganui Tane Hauora men's health collective, a diverse group of local agencies, supported by sponsors, with an activity for every day throughout June.

The various health issues have been linked under the talking point of "What Matters To You?" and the intention is to shift the dialogue away from the usual "What's the matter with you?" to ask men to talk about and consider what matters to them, as a step toward improving men's health.

Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer, musician, social worker, a father and grandfather who knows what matters to him - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz