Terry Sarten: Grandchildren can be a test of stamina

Terry Sarten

THERE is something grand about grandchildren ...

Because they are your children's children, there is special relationship.

Some regard this as being about playing with them when they are happy, content in the knowledge that if something ends in tears or tantrums (from either child or grandparent), then the child can simply be passed back to its parents as a problem requiring a solution.

Others see grandparenting as a filial duty that must be fulfilled - an obligation that must be met but not enjoyed. Some have taken on the task because of tragedy or when parents have failed in some way to meet their obligations.

There are a surprising number of grandparents caring for grandchildren - in 2010 there were around 10,000. The reasons may vary from family to family but, for these children, the relationship with their grand-generation can be a special one.

The need to take on a second round of parenting may, in many instances, be driven more by circumstance than choice but will have a huge influence on a young life.

I have just had my two grandchildren visiting with their parents for a few days and it has been wonderful and daunting.

There has been lots of laughter and fun, cuddles and companionable moments, and there have also been moments of revelation and realisation - the agility of one small crawling infant combined with the acceleration of a toddler moving at warp speed is a dramatic test of nerves and reflexes, along with discovering that you now own more small objects that can be swallowed than you realised.

It is such a long time since little people came to stay that it required a hasty inventory and relocation of various things that are either precious to us or a possible danger to them. Things went up high or were locked away.

Meanwhile, the cat, having had little previous contact with small curious humans, was initially somewhat dismayed but eventually decided that affection can take many forms.

I had forgotten the environmental and sartorial implications of a small boy on a hot summer's day in a park with an icecream. He was wearing gumboots so that was helpful as, while he got a fair proportion of it in and around his mouth, a lot of it made its sticky way south. The chocolate grin was as wide as the chocolate smeared over the outside.

Then there is the matter of getting them to sleep. They were tired, out of routine and well passed their usual use-by date - and the grandparents were getting that way as well. All the sleeping tactics were exhausted and so were we but the children remained awake, alert, grinning and cheerfully oblivious to the fact that it was nap time.

Still, their vulnerability and trust in our ability to love, care and keep them safe is deeply felt. The relationship between a grandparent and a child is a special one - the nurturing of little aspirations can seed resilience that grows into genuine confidence and love can be exchanged that can last a lifetime.

Although we have been to the grandchildren's home numerous times, having them stay with us has been an important step towards them feeling at home at our place and for holidays with us in the years ahead.

Like summer days and icecreams, childhood and grandparents don't last forever, but should be enjoyed as often as possible.

- Terry Sarten is a grandparent, writer, musician and social worker - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz