Terry Sarten: Fair is foul and foul is fair for MacTrump

OUT, DAMNED SPOT! "It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

MacTRUMP

Act 4, Scene 1:
An alley alongside a luxury apartment building - in the middle, a boiling cauldron. Thunder.
Enter three witches - one Muslim, one Mexican and one a serving army officer.

First Witch: "Thrice the man with the brinded cat on his head hath tweeted."

Second Witch: "Thrice and once the misogynist hath whined 'It is not fair'."

Third Witch: "Tis time ... tis time."

First Witch: "Round about the cauldron go, in the poisoned untruths go. Toad that from under rock has summoned, all the hatred there that slumbers. Boil thou first I' charmless pot."

All: "Double down, double down the trouble, all are fired in cauldron bubble."

Second Witch: "Fill it up with a snake oil mix, all the lies and all the tricks. Where no facts or truth are found, stir it up and spread them round."

Second Witch: "By the pricking on my thumbs, something wicked this way comes. Open locks whoever knocks."

Enter MacTrump

MacTrump: "A Muslim, a Mexican and an army corporal? What is't that you do?"

All: "A deed without a name - the kind of thing you know a lot about."

MacTrump: "I conjure you by that which you profess, to tell how I should be president? Through casino debts, bankruptcy and failed schemes, abusing woman, demeaning men, being a bully and racist, who is left I have not blamed for everything that I proclaim?"

Enter Apparitions

First Apparition: "MacTrump, MacTrump - beware MacTrump. Beware the ultra-right, the Klu Klux Klan ... they are not at your command. You led them on and let them loose, and now you say they have no use."

Second Apparition: "Be bloody, bold and resolute, laugh to scorn the power of man who doth disagree with thee, and watch out for members of your family."

Third Apparition: "What is this ... that rises like a king, and wears upon his brow a cap that says MacTrump the second?

"Where conspirers are, MacTrump will not be vanquished till the tax department comes against him and doth assess his income and find he owes millions due."

MacTrump: "That will never be - I who can trick the IRD, they will never get a cent from me. But my heart throbs to know one thing - can I do whatever I like as king without thought to what a reckless whim might bring?"

All: "Show his eyes and grieve his heart, come like shadows, so depart. A show of eight things."

MacTrump: "It is like the spirit of Boris Johnson - down! Thy hair, thou other gold-bound brow, is like the first.

"Then comes the immigrants, the poorly paid who built and work in my hotels, the women I have mistreated, those with disabilities I have mocked, the Mexicans with ladders doth climb my wonderful wall.

"The fake tan, like the fakes I told, like the comb-over says I'm bald. What, will the line stretch out to the crack of doom? Can we not send them all back there as illegal doomster overstayers?"

First Witch: "Aye sir, all this is so; but why stands MacTrump so amazed. These are things you said and did, they cannot be undone simply to appease your temper.

"Look not so much to the mirror, your reflection or giant portraits of thy self. Spend less time reflecting on thy big ego and small hands. The blatant disregard you have for the truth will no longer protect you from yourself.

"Look to the Constitution and on finding the skill to read, go beyond the opening words - there you will find your task."

The Witches dance to a mariachi tune, then vanish.

MacTrump: "Where have they gone? Did you see those weird sisters?"

■Terry Sarten is a writer, satirist and musician who would like to thank Bill Shakespeare for his contribution to this week's column - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz