Judging by reactions to the coronavirus outbreak, it is clear many New Zealanders would fail an intelligence test, says Terry Sarten. Photo / 123RF
Judging by reactions to the coronavirus outbreak, it is clear many New Zealanders would fail an intelligence test, says Terry Sarten. Photo / 123RF
Most countries have criteria for gaining citizenship.
Some require a certain level of understanding of the languages spoken. Others simply set the bar at how much money you will bring with you.
This brings me nicely to the fact that we should make all New Zealanders do an intelligence testto be sure new arrivals know they are coming to a clever country.
Judging by reactions to the coronavirus outbreak, it is clear many New Zealanders would fail such an intelligence test.
Those who have decided it is the fault of Chinese people and therefore shun and treat them badly have already failed the basic national intelligence test.
If this virus had turned up somewhere else – say Palmerston North – would we hate on Palmy people?
To think we should blame Chinese people is completely daft. All those failing this aspect of intelligent thinking should be made to go and live in Palmerston North for a year.
There has been talk of a "cultural" quiz that will filter out those who have no idea of what the locals regard as traditional practices.
Many of those who colonised Australia failed this test abysmally by pretending the indigenous Aboriginal people were not there at all. Some still have not noticed.
It is still possible to be surprised by encounters with New Zealanders who think te reo is best forgotten as we are "all one people" and it is not a "modern" language.
Not everyone has been as welcoming of / supportive to those people affected by the coronoavirus outbreak as these Whangaparaoa locals, who greeted evacuees from Wuhan being quarantined in NZ. Photo / Chris Tarpey
Are such people simply dim or just dim in a more complicated way that is hard to understand?
Part of the intelligence test for New Zealanders could be the ability to listen and understand each other. We do the "talking past each other" really well but often fail at the listening post.
New arrivals must find this very confusing and think we are not very bright.
More so when hearing us knock an achiever for actually achieving.
Some of our politicians would also fail at the question: "Do we have poverty in NZ?"
We could add a twist to the question by asking: "Is this absolute poverty (having literally nothing) or relative poverty (lacking food, unable to buy shoes for your kids and not having enough to pay for a roof over their heads)?"
Those who then add that increasing the benefit will make a difference get bonus IQ points.
Those who fudge, distract and suddenly want to talk about something else should be required to have an empathy implant or face being ditched at the next election.
The second question could be: "If a man hits a woman - she probably deserved it?" A yes answer to this would be an immediate fail. Saying "it depends" would also qualify as a fail. Those New Zealanders unable to pass this part of the intelligence test should be made to spend 24 hours with their local police.
Yes or no, do we have poverty in New Zealand, ask Terry Sarten? Photo / Getty Images
Question three could be multi-choice: "Is NZ a great place to raise a child?"
(A) Yes, if you are wealthy. (B) Depends whether you can afford a place to live. (C) Not always – could do better.
The big question is – having tested the intelligence of the nation's citizens, what should be done with those who fail? We could ask if we can swap them for a bunch of clever immigrants but what country would accept such a deal? The UK government might.
With the realities of leaving the EU looming they will need all the dim people they can get who are willing to accept the blind jingoism and don't mention the Brexit.
• Terry Sarten (Tel) is a writer, musician and social worker. Feedback welcome: tgs@inspire.net.nz
