Terry Sarten: Cashing in on your redemption

I WAS at Ray's petroleum emporium the other day and having taken my fill of the good oil, I went inside to pay and was offered redemption.

Now Ray may be a lot of things to a lot of people but this took me by surprise. I had no idea that you could purchase redemption or that you could refuel the soul in this way. Of course I said yes to some redemption as we could all do with some of that, right?

The question of redemption or saving was offered. This seemed extraordinary. I get to choose between redemption or salvation? So much for the legend of Robert Johnson selling his soul to play the blues - this must be the deal of century. Of course I wanted both. Who would not want to be saved and not get redemption thrown into the deal?

It was made clear that I could not save and get redemption. A decision had to be made so I opted for redemption as this was immediately available, whereas saving meant having to wait. On payment I got a receipt that valued my redemption at $2 - a bargain at the price I thought. It even had redemption written on the top of the docket. (It's true. Take a look next time you purchase petrol at certain places.)

I drove away feeling very smug and then found myself pondering the matter of sin and whether being inordinately smug qualified as sinful. Sinning has been around for a very long time and is widely regarded as one of the things humans are particularly good at.

There are meant to be seven sins: pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth. (Trolling people on Twitter is not in that list but probably should be.) The first six are self-explanatory but the last one, sloth, always makes me think of that slowest moving mammal, the almost stationary sloth. Apparently they sleep a lot so maybe that's the sin connection? I checked my pride at this point and decided being smug was more of a vice than a sin and to my ear, vice sounded somehow less wicked than sin. I did feel a surge of lustful greed verging on wrathful but hesitated at envy, which goes to show what a little redemption can do.

Having detoured through sin I then got to forgiveness and pondered the endless turning of that contemporary plaything called the Sorry-Go-Round.

Celebrities and politicians have been known to get on and off a number of times as the public look on wearing their cynicism at a jaunty angle.

The only requirement for being allowed on for a round of spin doctoring is to have been filmed, seen or reported to have been seen doing something disgraceful.

This could be drunken buffoonery that does or does not include falling down, public nudity, being caught using taxpayer dollars to fund a completely nonsensical overseas junket or all three at once.

Various actors, musicians, sports personalities and politicians have all featured in a turn on the Sorry-Go-Round.

They go round the media riding the whirl of chat shows, saying how sorry they are for what they have done. Some pause for a stint in rehab before going round a few more times being extra, extra sorry then sign a book or movie deal about their story.

The Sorry-Go Round spins at such a speed these days that it is no wonder some people get dizzy and fall off.

-Terry Sarten is a Whanganui-based writer, musician and satirista. Feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz