She said something about, "Going to Bethlehem on the back of that - not blummin' likely". That made me prick up my ears. I'm with her on that. Bethlehem is bloody miles away - it must be 70 miles at least, the road is terrible and it is Census time so the traffic will be diabolical.
The bloke gives the woman a hug and they sit down on the step and start talking. I got bored and wander off hoping I could slip away before they noticed but then she looks up, sees me sidling across towards the alley and offers me an apple.
Dec 14: We set out with her on my back and the bloke leading me. As we hit the edge of town I see a small patch of grass and make a beeline for it. There is some strong language thrown about by both of them and me and then they offer me an apple.
My grandad - now there was a donkey who could tell his Hee from his Haw and his hay from his straw - he used to say that an apple a day keeps a donkey on the way.
Dec 15: We have made good progress. We had some trouble with the transport authorities yesterday for loitering on a roundabout. It had some lovely flowers on it and they tasted great.
Today I was given a ticket for failing to indicate. My left ear was not working properly due to the heat.
Dec 16: Gridlock - there were carts and those new-fangled chariots backed up for miles. Road works - they are building a bypass so that travellers can avoid the bottleneck where the road narrows to a single dirt track. Little progress today. Ate apples.
Dec 17: Getting low on apples and losing my enthusiasm for the transport industry. I am thinking seriously about a change of career. It's not called donkey work for nothing.
I should be doing something with real class like carrying a king about, not this mundane stuff. Not with these ears - they are quite magnificent, even though I say so myself. I can rotate them through 360 degrees and hear the sound of an apple being picked from two hundred paces.
Dec 18: Offered apple by stranger. Ate apple.
Dec 19: Offered watermelon today. Is that a fruit?
Dec 20: Stopped by customs wanting to search the luggage. When they realised that the women might give birth any minute and they would have to assist they suddenly lost interest and hurried away to search a black Moroccan donkey - another example of blatant animal profiling.
Dec 21, 22, 23: Sections of the road have been closed off with road cones that led the unwary traveller off the main route into the desert where the water sellers are charging a fortune for a single tiny calabash.
Dec 24: Approaching Bethlehem. I'm told they have the best apples here so am excited, and it looks like I will get to stay in a donkey hotel with real hay to sleep on. It has been a long trip and I'm ready for a good night's kip.
If those cattle start lowing and the sheep start counting themselves, I will become very grumpy.
Dec 25: Didn't get much sleep last night. The baby was born and all these people showed up. The shepherds were really annoying and, to top it off, a drummer boy rolled in and started knocking out some beats.
While he was here a bunch of wild-haired blokes showed up and I thought, "Oh no - he's brought the whole band." Luckily they had only come to drop of some smelly stuff that tasted terrible but they did give me an apple.
With any luck tomorrow will be quieter.
-This exclusive extract from the Donkey Diaries was brought to you by Tel's Tales and translated from the original Donkish by Terry Sarten - please direct any queries to tgs@inspire.net.nz
