Stuck for a Christmas pressie? How about a onesie?
COMMENT
We are now in an orbit around Christmas and about to again escape velocity out of 2019 into the unknown realms of a new year.
I can't claim to have 2020 vision and so will not attempt to forecast the future only noting with disappointment that flying cars are still not a thing.
Technological advances mean you can talk to your fridge about almost anything and it will light up in delight when you open its door.
There has been no satisfactory electronic method of hugging the ones you love which means humans are not likely to be replaced by machines just yet.
Now the race is on to find the perfect gift. (Gift is the German word for poison and sometimes I wonder if there is a subliminal message in that).
The magazines and newspapers are festooned with gift lists - the perfect gift for a man/woman for less than $50.
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These are often very cheering and good for a laugh as you imagine the look on the face of the person unwrapping the cocktail glass shaped like a shoe or a kaftan that lights up when you walk.
In our family there is a gifting story that came from watching a customer enthusing about a large concrete owl as it was being wrapped as being the perfect gift.
We left the shop pondering the face of the future recipient on Christmas day.
What do you say when given a large concrete owl if you don't like it and have no idea what you will do with it and then panic with the sudden revelation that the giver might think you do like large concrete birds and gift another next year and tell their friends (who are your friends) and your front yard ends up full of giant concrete owls and the only way out of this is to move to another town where nobodies know you.
It is a well-established tradition in our family to gift small but heavy owls on special occasions to honour this tale.
The other big question that haunts Christmas is what to wear.
There is a need to be comfortable in something loose that can accommodate all that festive cheering food, be practical for taking the afternoon, after dinner nap and still allow the wearer to play with the little children's new toys on the floor.
The answer is the onesie.
This scaled up version of a toddler's stretch'n'grow will be perfect and your family can all wear one.
Spending Christmas Day in what are essentially pyjamas is an alternative way to mark the birth of baby Jesus as he was in a manger and no doubt was in his pyjamas.
There is always the bonus of being able to post the picture of the traditional drunken uncle, in a onesie, on the internet for all to enjoy.
There is still no bought prezzie that can beat the classic good old-fashioned hug.
They are free but extremely valuable. They can be recycled and reused over and over and still keep their original design.
They are one size fits all and if the intended recipient is, like all my children - very tall – then get them to stand on a lower doorstep for their hug when they arrive.
This will be the last column before Christmas, so to all my readers - and the ones who never read it - I hope you have a peaceful Christmas and if you see me out and about on December 25 wearing a onesie say hello.
•Terry Sarten (aka Tel) is a writer, musician and social worker. Feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz