Take the Kate Stewart politcal multi-choice test

Congratulations!

You have been randomly selected to participate in, perhaps, the greatest political poll of all time.

All questions have been carefully compiled to be culturally sensitive, gender neutral, vegan-friendly, gluten free and fully recyclable.

Please take a few moments to honestly answer the questions below so that we may better understand the mind of the individual voter.

Your responses will not be held against you and upon completion of the survey, your personal details will be destroyed via a shredder by our skilled team of politically correct and highly ineffectual pencil pushers.

We thank you in advance for your service.

1. What does the T.O.P stand for in Gareth Morgan's political party?
a. The Opportunity Party
b. Taxes Over People
c. Terminate Our Pussycats

2. Which phrase best sums up your thoughts on Labour?
a. Labour of Love
b. Labour Intensive
c. Labour Pains

3. If Bill English and Jacinda Ardern both left Auckland Airport, by car at 5 pm, heading for Sky City at 100 kph, who would arrive first?
a. Jacinda Ardern
b. Bill English
c. Don't make me laugh, I'd be surprised if they could manage 15 kph at that time on Auckland's motorway!

4. Which phrase best sums up your view on National?
a. National Disaster
b. In the National Interest
c. National Lampoon

5. Should Winston Peters be needed to form a coalition government, which of the following immediately springs to mind?
a. King Maker
b. King Prawn
c. King Kong

6. When you think of the Green Party, which of the songs below describes them best?
a. Johnny Darrell's The Green Green Grass of Home
b. Jim Lowe's The Green Door
c. Kermit the Frog's It's Not Easy Being Green

7.Your preferred party leader is out on the campaign trail, getting amongst the people. Next thing you know they are knocking at your front door. Do you invite them in?
a. I don't currently have a front door. I'm actually homeless at the moment but they're welcome to sit in my car with me once I've cleared away the bedding
b. Are you referring to my usual residence, our holiday home or one of our 7 rental properties?
c. This is precisely why I live in a gated community. To keep out such riff-raff

8. Which one of the policies below would you give your support to?
a. Free childcare
b. Free Trade
c. Free Fish'n'Chips every Friday

Speaking of all things free, Poll participants may receive a Buy 1 Get 1 Free Cheeseburger voucher, subject to availability, but I wouldn't go holding your breath.

Please note that this fascinatingly useless Poll was designed to give you a break from the endless preening and peacocking currently taking place on the political stage.

A little light relief, if you will, from the policy, propaganda and promises that will almost inevitably be broken.

It may also be worth noting that the sample size is a complete mystery.

The questions asked are totally random and are probably of no relevance whatsoever to any current party policy. It is also believed that the margin of error is calculated to be as high as + or - 100%.

And finally, whilst the Poll's author was wearing lipstick during the writing of this, the lippy involved was not tested on any animal ... pig - political or otherwise.

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