I continued reading as the brain fog thickened in my mind. At the end of the document I'm confused and none the wiser, so I go back to the beginning and try again, all the while wondering if this is what a ketamine trip is like, as I seemed to be gripped in some freaky out-of-body experience.
Even though I had no idea what the hell I had just read, aware of my time limit, I decided to tackle the questions. I just needed to choose between A, B, C or D, but when it comes to government writing this apparent advantage proves to be no advantage whatsoever and actually compounded the problem.
I'm frustrated, agitated and more confused than ever.
I know the answers are hidden in the text somewhere but I'm buggered if I can find them. Baffled, bamboozled and in fear of falling in to a catatonic-like state I take a few moments to try and regain my composure.
My frazzled mind wanders off the contents of the documents and fixes instead to the author of it.
I'm trying to figure out if they are an evil, sadistic genius who gets off at using and/or abusing words. Using them like concealed weapons to literally kill any hope that the average human being will be able to find any sense or purpose to their true meaning.
I wonder at the level of job satisfaction, knowing that you are being paid to write in a manner that is deliberately difficult to read and comprehend.
Who, in real life, writes this way? Why make it so convoluted and confusing when it doesn't have to be? It's clearly intentional; no normal person would accidently pen such shite. It's both cruel and calculated. I can't even begin to understand how intimidating such writings would be for anyone with low levels of literacy.
As it happened, a short time after my test, I was invited to participate in a focus group, doing research into the effectiveness, or lack thereof, of a government advertising campaign centred around free childhood immunisation. We were also told that the target demographic was primarily low income, poorly educated parents often living in sub-standard housing.
We were given the promotional pamphlets to read and television ads to view and then had to answer questions and also offer our own opinion and feedback.
I told them if they were seeking a cure for insomnia the reading material would work a treat. Another vile volume penned by government writers, who, also clearly aware of the target audience, continued to write in the very style that was least appropriate for the reader, using terminology that they had literally no hope of understanding.
Millions of taxpayer dollars went in to this campaign and now, after the fact, they are questioning why it wasn't successful. With the answer being such an obvious one, you have to question the motives of the powers that be. Why would they back a campaign that has little or no chance of reaching its target audience. It just doesn't make sense - but what in government does?
A copy writer in a previous life, for a few million less I could have come up with a winning campaign all based on a simple nine word tag line: "It just takes a prick to stop getting sick." It's short and sharp with just the right amount of shock value and the rhyme makes it catchy.
As English is the predominate tongue in New Zealand, it's high time we demanded a "plain english" policy, especially when dealing in written materials by government departments. Failure to do so will just further fuel speculation that their claims of wanting to help those most in need are questionable to say the least.
As always, your feedback is welcome or maybe I can assist you with an ad campaign. You can contact me at investik8@gmail.com
Kate Stewart is an unemployed, reluctant mother of three, currently running amok in the city ... approach with caution or cheesecake.
