Solo challenge surmountable

IT'S THE catchcry of the toddler, that call to independence all parents hear at some point, "I can do it myself."

It's the struggle to work out just how to stand on one foot while you get your jeans on, find a toilet in time, or work out how to get the blocks stacked without them all crashing down.

It can be the hardest thing to watch, when you know you could get it done yourself so much faster and better, but you know as a parent that it will one day pass and your tantrum-throwing toddler will be exchanged for a kid who can get his or her own breakfast and get dressed without any help.

It's an important analogy for when you suddenly find you're a single parent trying to sort out how to do everything alone - on a fast and furious learning curve. Like that toddler, it can be intensely frustrating and may bring on the odd adult tantrum, but if you work through it, it does get easier.

There is no doubt that parenting alone can be a challenge so here are a few hot tips to help:

-Be kind to yourself.

List what needs to be done for the day, do the hard ones first and you will be surprised how well it goes. Never focus on the should-have-dones - they just drain your energy. If dinner is too hard introduce the family to world-class eggs on baked beans and toast.

-Get your kids on board.

With just you, jobs will mount up. So create the family team. In our family everyone has jobs. Even little children can do jobs. Celebrate every week with fun times to say, "Thanks, team."

-Set boundaries that suit you.

If children are dividing their living between two households then have your own house rules. Statements like, "In this family we ..." help enforce them.

-Talk it out.

Stress builds if you don't have other people to talk about issues. Offloading helps relieve the pressure.

-Put yourself in time out.

Find ways to get a break. Establish regular bed times, with adult time only at a certain time. Single parents need to have some child-free time in their house. Share child minding with others so you get time to go out.

Money may be tight, but find ways to get the time out you need.

If you can't afford to pay for childcare, but need some time out, find another parent to swap babysitting times with. Make a list of free to low-cost things you can do such as going for a walk, having a coffee, or reading a pile of magazines in the library and book in regular "just you" time.

If your children have regular time with the other parent, avoid the temptation to fill every childfree moment with social engagements. The luxury of a night home alone, in a quiet house is often far more beneficial than a night out with friends.

For more great parenting information check out the free parenting resources for 0 to 5 year olds contact Liza and Lynette at SKIP Whanganui text us on 027 626 1404. Join us on facebook: SKIPalong Mum or the SKIP website, www:skip.org.nz